Public UriNATION pt. II - Wishfun thinking...or not thinking at all?

So I was reading the Times Colonist this a.m. 0330 to be exact, and there on the front page in all its glory is the graciously appointed article “Victoria goes for pop-up potties”. My dyslexia kicked in at first glance and thought it read “Victoria goes pop-up for potties.” But to be completely honest, I truly believe this to be a far more appropriate title.
I have previously expressed my….concern… for such an object to be permanently installed in our downtown core, but let me kindly re-address this issue.
A quick overview, courtesy of the Victoria Times Colonist. Please, sue me now for copyright since your writing skills are so immaculate I couldn’t have come up with a better way to describe it myself.
“Pop up urinals will soon be a permanent feature in Downtown Victoria (yippee.) The sleek European-built cylinders that rise hydraulically from the sidewalk at night but are lowered during the day will be in place by early next year, Victoria council decided yesterday.
In the meantime two portable loos that were part of a pilot project to reduce public urinating will be available. (urinal tipping anyone?) The project was deemed a success - the Bastion Square portable averaged 112 litres of urine in a weekend that might otherwise have ended up on the street (who conducts urine counts, gross. How’d you do that anyways, with a bucket in hand? I wonder if they took into account how much urine ended up on the OUTSIDE of the urinals.)
The city sees the pop-ups as a way to give back-alley urinations an option other than the wall of a business. (Does it really??, you might want to clarify your definition of “the city”.)
Because the vast majority of the culprits are men between the ages of 20 and 30 who don’t like to stray far off their path, the pop-ups provide only urinals. (First of all, I am appalled. So you are going to start discriminating now? Are women just more patient then men and able to wait for a washroom before they go tinkle? Just because we are decent and well trained enough to think twice before pissing on the street means we should be punished? And what difference does it make what age the men who are stinking up the streets are anyways. Does it differentiate in volume?)
But providing an alternative for renegade urinators who were smelling up the City of Gardens (you mean fertilizing of course) isn’t cheap. The two permanent urinals will cost more than 300,000 and run, so the city will try to recoup some of that money from bar owners. (But don’t let that little statistic fool you for a second, because taxpayers will be dishing out the brunt of the cost straight outta their pockets, including another “$202,000 to improve and supervise the Centennial Square washrooms because they’re the ones liquoring everyone up” ….What that doesn’t make sense. The taxpayers are the ones liquoring everyone up? I guess I did mention earlier that the Times colonist has immaculate writing abilities.)
Liam Lux, the general manager of Lucky Bar has suggested stricter enforcement in the downtown core (yeah I’ll second that notion. Oh wait I already suggested that over a month ago.) Lux also suggest changing bylaws to allow bars an hour to get patrons out after last call at 2 am rather than the half hour currently allowed. That extra half hour would mean patrons aren‘t being hurried out the door, and could be encouraged to use the facilities. (So do you really think people are going to sober up in an hour and say to themselves “wow, I should really be a responsible adult and go urinate in the bathroom before I decided to get in my car and drive home.” Yeah, I think not. If grown adults cannot rationalize that they are to drunk to drive, then I am pretty sure they are not fit to decide to use the washroom before departing either.) (I also don’t ever remember being rushed out the door after the 2am last call either, I have plenty of time to try to rid my body of impurities before I am asked to leave the premises.)”
Ok, so by now you can probably tell what parts I decided to add into this article. (for clarification purposes and to cover my ass, I have clearly situated all of these comments safely in between brackets.) Now I just have a couple of missed points to add.
First of all, these urinals are only designed to come out at night. You would think after spending over half a million dollars to design these sleek state of the art spacecrafts that shoot up out of the ground, that they would be available to the public around the clock. I see far more use for them during the day for tourists and locals alike who don’t want to spend their hard earned dollars in some over priced Victorian coffee shop just to be able to use their “facilities”.
From the pictures I have seen, they definitely appear to be form over function. Of course they have to look pretty to attract their male users in the wee hours of the morning. (of course, no pun intended. I am not the humours type.)
These formally known “Uri-Lifts” are also completely open backed. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a new age of indecent exposure. Just a quick warning that if you happen to visit Bastion Square between the hours of 12am-4am you are going to see a lot of exposed packages.
All in all, I believe these creations to be a complete joke. But I will admit they will provide some entertainment at the very least. I mean what is cooler then a trendy pop up urinal ready to rise upon my command?
On that note, once again just a friendly reminder that these TWO beautifully appointed peeing capsules are costing us over half a million dollars.
Time and money definitely well spent FOR SURE.

2 comments:

Vin said...

I can see it now.. "Mayor approval ratings drop; pop-up urinal traps drunk for an entire day."

Or "Man loses penis in freak Uri-lift accident"

Lisabelle said...

These were actually approved and implemented, hard to believe