...as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth

So a while ago I took myself out on a date. And I had an amazing time. Went for dinner, did some window shopping, and to get really cliche I went in a photobooth then went to a musical. So fantastic. A kind man even offered to pay for my parking and I got two free things at my favorite store of all time (the patch.) Doesn't get much better then that. I have scanned my photobooth pictures as an example of what NOT to do in that tiny cubicle in your 10 seconds of fame..err frame. I didn't bother to fix the horrible exposure or the red glow shining from my skin but that is the beauty of these things. They are so totally awful that they are almost nice. ALMOST.

Just a tip, when you put your money in you better be ready or you will get exhibit #1.

Accepting Change

My mediation for today was so bang on with where I am at in my life I must get sentimental (just for a moment) and share it with you.

The winds of change blow through our life, sometimes gently, sometimes like a tropical storm. Yes, we have resting places - time to adjust to another level of living, time to get our balance, time to enjoy the rewards. We have time to catch our breath.But change is inevitable, and desirable.Sometimes, when the winds of change begin to rustle, we're not certain the change is for the better. We may call it stress or a temporary condition, certain we'll be restored to normal. Sometimes, we resist. We tuck our head down and buck the wind, hoping that things will quickly calm down, get back to the way things were. Is it possible we're being prepared for a new "normal"?Change will sweep through our life, as needed, to take us where we're going. We can trust that our Higher Power has a plan in mind, even when we don't know where the changes are leading.We can trust that the change-taking place is good. The wind will take us where we need to go.
You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Speaking of change I have been through a lot lately. It is funny how I can write about such mundane things and go on and on forever about nothing, but I fail to ever mention anything of real significance going on in my life. For some reason, I never talk about the things in life that REALLY matter. I think it is slightly out of fear of showing who I really am. Not that the me writing in this blog is any different......

Anyways. For a quick life update I have done the following in the past 6 months:
- bought my first home - that which I furnished for under 500 dollars.
- adopted a kitten named Isabel. She controls the world just in case you were wondering.
- Visited my hometown for the first time in 4 years
- Got a motorbike (Honda VTR 250) and my full bike license

I have done the following things within the past year or more:
- went on a cruise to alaska
- started geocaching - 1 more to go until my 50th find!
- Got a promotion at (at the addiction recovery center in which I work)
- Auditioned for Canadian Idol, only made it past the first round
- Sold my first piece of art

As you can see, deep down I am a fairly simple person. I just have the ability to develop complex insight in normal situations. Thus resulting in having a morsel of interesting things to write about.

Today is my life day. I needed it to be able to take care of some real life complexity involving student loan and MSP mishaps. I should probably pay my overdue fees at the movie store if I ever want to rent a movie again. *yawn* no wonder I am on my blog procrastinating.

Where is my mind and socks?

So the other night, I and some co-workers of mine were taken out by our boss for a rather fancy dinner. I was not pre-warned as to the fancy factor of this fine dining facility, so I expressed my concern as my co-worker and I (last to arrive of course) entered the restaurant. For some reason, I felt compelled to comment "I hope I am dressed well enough for this place, it looks pretty fancy." As she opens the door she reassures me that I look lovely. In the midst of my inability to graciously accept a compliment and leave it at that I add "But my socks don't match!"
You can guess what happens next.
She starts laughing hysterically. It's contagious and I start laughing. We both enter through the foyer to realize.....Our entire party is sitting in awe at us as we come around the corner....and along with them, the others in this TINY space of complete silence. The only thing we know to do....is laugh even more.
We had an amazing dinner, easy for me to say the best I have ever had. We had a great time with good company. As we leave we say our goodbyes and thank yous (for about the 5th time). My friend and I walking down the boardwalk to our cars as the others head up the hill to theirs I pull up my pants to reveal just how unmatched my socks were. And you thought the situation in the restaurant was bad. We practically had the entire town captured by our exuberant cackling. We couldn't move. Maybe when you see this picture you may see why:

When my life is busy and stressful - socks tend to be preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeety far down on the priority list. I haven't had a matched pair in about a week. I figure it is time to tackle the laundry and get back to the sock matching. Maybe the chaos of the rest of my life will subside along with it. My unmatched socks are definitely a reflection of how the rest of my life is going, so maybe if I put them together, everything else will follow? Wishful thinking? I'm hoping for a miracle. Not setting my hopes up to high or anything.

The Pixies say it best

With your feet in the air and
Your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it,
Your head will collapse
But theres nothing in it.
And you'll ask

Where is my mind?

overdue, and paying for it

So I got a phone call from the local moving renting facility kindly reminding me that I have late fees incurring on a movie I have rented. If the movie store can have a system efficient enough to have a previously recorded message call me to remind me of my running bill of late fees, why can't more significant organizations such as BC student loan services call to tell me important things like "we tried to take money out of your old account and forgot you no longer use it even though you told us a month ago and now you going to incur overage fees because we can withdraw money when it does not exist." The library is even organized enough to let me know via email or phone, whichever I prefer, that my books are GOING to be due soon, and also offer me the option to renew. How is that possible, they don't even get any money from me. I am skeptical.

My phone company can't even tell me that I am magically making calls from the United States when I am clearly well within the Canadian border. I don't even use my phone and they get over 50 dollars a month from me. I wonder what would happen if they started working non profit, maybe something would actually be right for once.

I wrote this thinking I would feel a little better after whining, but now i am even more perplexed then before.

Life Lessons

Little people are so fantastic. I overheard an argument going on between to little brothers the other day which ended in a sharp "I hate your stupid bum" remark as the youngest peeled out of the driveway on his tricycle. For a 3 year old, those are some pretty intense words. Whatever they were arguing about must have been rather heated and important. I secretly wish that I could end disagreements in comments such as this and get away with it. Just like how when I see a little boy run full boar into a glass window at the mall, I feel bad for the poor kid and the egg that will develop on his forehead in a few seconds, but I am also jealous. Jealous that the mistakes and choices I make in life have a far less instant and abrupt response. I bet he knows right away that running into the wall wasn't the best idea. Life would be so much easier if at the moment you make a decision you are likely to regret, a glass wall instantly rises letting you know it was the wrong one. But no. If this were to happen, we would mostly likely run right through it and be left to pick up the pieces in the aftermath. As adults we have to learn from our choices and mistakes. There is always underlying motives for our actions, like a secret code to decipher. How bloody infuriating. It is even more frustrating when I have learnt the same lessons time and time again. Its mad you know, to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

Oh to be 3 years old again.

p.s. I have already failed in my attempt to accept compliments. I didn't want to admit it right away, but it really was only one day into the challege. So, here we go again. Attempt #2 begins.

Thank You. That's it, just thank you

So at work I have been given an assignment....of sorts. I have been aware of this particular characteristic of mine for quite some time now. (some may call it a flaw...I call it word vomit). Anyways, my mission is to accept a compliment without any with and or butts to deter the conversation as to why I do not deserve such a compliment in the first place. Cue examples:

You: "Wow Lisa, I love your hair."
Me: " I haven't dyed it in over 6 months, I am not dying it again because I can't afford to anymore, see my roots they are hideous...etc."

You: " I love your shirt"
Me: " Oh this? I got it second hand at Value Village which I might add is not thrifty shopping, it's like second hand shopping for rich people...(insert a lengthy one sided conversation about the costly old navy jeans to follow here)"

You: " You made (insert some form of artistic/creative capability here)? It's amazing"
Me: "You won't believe how easy it was" or " I got this inspiration from here and here so I can't take the credit as it wasn't in its original form my idea...etc etc etc..."

By now you may start to understand what I am getting at. Compliment me directly and you are about to endure on a rather lengthy explanation about a. why I don't deserve the compliment or b. a complete explanation about how whatever it is you are trying to acknowledge came to be WITHOUT my help or direction.

It isn't as thought I don't truly believe I deserve (most) of the compliments I receive. This is why I am making a conscious effort to thank people and accept the compliment as just that, an acknowledgement of ME period.

If you wish to help me out on this endeavour feel free to leave a comment/compliment/acknowledgement or even criticism. Another thing that comes with the ability to graciously accept a compliment is to be able to do the same with criticism (in a constructive manner). I do ask that you keep the character bashing to a minimum but if you honestly have something you would like to say, please do. I figure if I have the opportunity to think about what I say before I say it on here, I may just be able to say thank you and leave it at that. Here goes nothing (or everything, depending on how you look at it?) oh god lisa just hit the publish button already....


My meditation for today...

Absolute Honesty: Both with ourselves and with others, in word, deed, and thought.

Absolute Unselfishness: To be willing, wherever possible, to help others who need our help.

Absolute Love: You shall love with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. And. . . you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Absolute Purity: Purity of mind, of body, and of purpose.

There is only 4 absolutes. Contrary to populary belief, Absolute Vodka is not the 5th included in this list. If it were, that would be completely ridiculous, so don't even think about it.


So I was just thinking...

I wonder if people prefer the "idea" of me, over the actual flesh and bone version. Does anyone else ever wonder such things? Sometimes I find the idea of myself far more appealing then the me that I actually consist of and I would hate to be a dissapointment for someone whose "idea" of me is different then the real life version, but one question remains.

How am I any different? It's still the same me. Always has been always will be. Sometimes I tend to give people to much of myself, but I promise I'm not being anyone else but....me.

So what's the deal...exactly? Does any one have advice on how to be someone else? That would come in handy in certain situations, I seem to struggle with that piece.

Did i miss something?


Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.

Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other and will never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
I'm on your side didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same
no it's never the same if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized

missed out on each other now
missed out on each other now
Realize, realize
realize, realize...........

- lyrics by Colbie Caillat

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP for the mind of a 17 year old.

As I was doing some "spring cleaning" aka procrastinating at my book shelf as I attempt to remove some to create space for the masses of others (unsuccessfully) I stumbled across a book of old poems and I found this little ditty:

BROKEN LOVE - (sounds intense)

You tell me you don't love me,
But how could this be true?
I don't think you understand
How much pain you've put me through.

You say that you're just changing,
Your feelings aren't as strong.
But how can you fall out of love with someone,
Who's never done you wrong?

Someone who still loves you,
So deep within their heart;
This heart that you have broken
And torn it right apart.

I know you'll never love me,
I cannot change the way you feel.
I can only remember the times
When I knew your love was real.

I must find the strength inside me,
Hidden so deep within.
To find out where you stop,
And where I must begin.

Now this was written after rather lengthy relationship - longest one to date in fact - But when I read this to myself, the first thought that comes to mind is "Wow, this must have been written by someone with poor writing ability who just got out of a hefty marriage." So it's quite funny to read it now and know that in the eyes of a 17 year old girl, this breakup was like the end of my world (as I knew it.)

To me it is a reminder of how much I have grown and accomplished over the years. The feelings exposed in this poem feel like lightyears away, but still so close to home. I often find my mind wandering back to this place of blissfulness and becoming caught up in that moment all over again - but then I am quickly drawn back to reality (or at least woken up by my alarm clock.)

Which reminds me. I have been having such absurd dreams lately. A lot of them I have all these materialistic things - Fancy house on the ocean, fancy car, jewelry that I don't wear. I am often throwing huge parties - for people whose faces I cannot really make out - only to find myself withdrawn and ignored, and not making any attempt whatsoever to socialize with ANYONE at my OWN party. A couple of times I eventually end up being attacked by a bear or alligator on my beach or roof ( I know...this is where it gets weird, I'll spare you the details) But even though there are hundreds of people around, no one comes to my aid. Could this be a sign that I am my own worst enemy? That I am the only one standing in my way of achieving what I want? When I wake up I always feel like I am subconciously reminding myself that it doesn't matter how much "stuff" I accumulate, I will never be happy until I am happy with ME. Ugh, I totally hate it when my dreams are right. Why can't it be all cupcakes and rainbows and clouds and flying and bliss instead of this hidden underlying meaning of life shit. I'm so over it.

And what's the deal with ALWAYS being chased by a bear (sometimes alligator) I'm tired of waking up to a heart beating a million miles a minute and having to remind myself that bears and animals cannot unlock doors and chase you into your house. So annoying.

In a funk...d

So I am sort of in a funky mixed up state of mind at this particular moment(s) in time. You see, sometimes I am bit creepy and look at other peoples photographs on facebook. Well lets call it borderline creepy, bcuz I know that is SORT OF what they are there for.

(Wow, I just realized I dropped the F Bomb... oopsies. I swore I would never do that.)

But when I look at said person(s) photos, I think to myself, my goodness it certainly looks like they are having a fantastic time wherever they are doing whatever it is they may be doing. And then I start crying, balling actually. But why? I mean, I have a great time doing the things I do where I end up doing them, but through my own eyes, it does not appear the same. If you were to take a picture of me doing something I may consider a good time, It would usually involve my dog, a GPS that doesn't function quite as it should, possibly a friend, and 99.9% of the time, I would not be in it. So maybe that is the problem? Is it that I don't get the opportunity to show everyone what an absolute blast I am having because I am behind the lens, or is it the fact that I spend a lot of my time off doing adult things that are considered a neccesity and not so much a fantastic out of this world experience? Or maybe it is the fact that quite a few of the pictures I have seen that I feel envious of are taken during a "night out on the town" a pracitce that is extremely rare to someone like myself who usually only goes to the bar once a year, on my birthday, which often results in myself going to bed an anticlimatic half hour before midnight.

Or maybe it is something deeper?

Most of the time I feel as though I am getting quite a bit out of life, ya know, lots of bang for my buck so to speak...but I am also often overwhelemed at how quickly time passes, and how many opportunities go unoticed as I rush through the routine of my so called life. There are so many endless possibilites I want to explore, but my body only allows me to be awake for a certain amount of time at a time before I start hallucinating. (which for some people, is a whole other level of fun, but I prefer to be at least somewhat in control of what I am seeing and doing at any given moment.)

I fear as though one day I am going to wake up, 80 years old and go WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?

Fat. Naked. Dangerous

No I am not talking about me...i'm talking about cupid. He who brings along the romantic for some, dreadful for most, unimagineative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day. Cupid just like any other man....or little person with wings, was selfish. He wanted the attention of a beautiful woman so much, it eventually to her demise (with the help of her jealous mother-in-law of course.) Classic love story right there.

Another good one, is the story of St.Valentine himself. Nothing says love like murdering a priest who performed secret marrige ceremonies for soldiers. (They had to be secret because marrige was seen as a "distraction" for soldiers at war and took their mind off fighting.....GOD FORBID THAT TO EVER HAPPEN.)
Now, I don't have anything against valentines day. It is a chance for people in relationships to redeem themselves for the lack of love they (don't) display every other day of the year. But let me tell ya, I have been single for coming up on 5 years now and I honestly see no point in this holiday what so ever. I don't even get paid stat holiday pay for having to put up with all the sappy shit that goes on throughout the day. Don't get me wrong though, I am not bitter. I think it is important for people to rekindle their love for eachother and really show how much your better half means to you. But I have honestly just never been a fan. I love my family and I tell them that every day of my life, I do not need some almost meaningless holiday to do so.

I say all of this like I could care less if prince charming (or even just a below average joe ) got me a dozen roses or chocolate covered strawberries; but I am sure if this rare occasion were to actually happen to me, I may just have to graciously accept. Nothing says I love you like dead vegitation and fat-saturated sugar products.

I guess we will never know.

Just remember, one day in February isn't special, but YOU are. HA. right :P

post script

is that what p.s. even stands for? i should really look into that.

it's obvious that I haven't written in my blog in decades. ok..maybe not since my birthday but whos counting, obviously i'm not because i'm no good at it.

I have been reading over some of the "dusty favorites" for inspiration and i really must say that I am extremely brilliant at making something out of nothing. It is amazing how absolutely nothing about my life is even remotely interesting, but I still manage to come up with some type of word vomit to take up a tiny portion of the giant intergalacitic space of web. K...that doesn't make sense but I had to try to make myself at least seem cool. I'm not fooling anyone though obviously, not even myself and usually thats pretty damn easy to do.

I have no idea where this post is going and it has taken me much longer to write then it should have as my chihuahua lulu demands to sit in between me and the laptop on my lap which doesn't make for a very comforatble situation but I love her to much to put her anywhere else. Shes got me sucked right into her little puppy scheme and its totally working.

i love everyone.

love lisa the average boring human being


is feeling crapulent as a result of the dissapearance of her all time favorite blog post. The crapulence could also be caused by lack of sleep and eating another piece of deli meat on the day of expiration date which is of course against her religion..of sorts.

See post titled "best before" for clarification (or even more ridiculous ramblings) on expiration date......s

See post titled "Crapulent" for a more detailed definition of this particular..............feeling?


For Will