i am home.

my buddies coldplay say it best.....

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
why does happiness always have to depend on what job you have and what kind of money you make? what am i doing here? what am i doing at all? why does it seem like i have time for nothing, but nothing to do with my time? why do some people think i am a failure? why do i feel like a failure? why do some people think my minimum wage job is a temporary solution until i find something better? what if that is what i wanted to do with the rest of my life, would they be dissapointed in me, or happy for me that i found my place in life? what is better anyways? why do the things everyone else consider simple seem so difficult to me? why is everyone always in such a rush? Do people really enjoy their lives and successes and their careers, or do they just fake it to make the rest of us look bad? does anyone have any answers?

I owe my parents money.


practice what you preach.

So i find out tomorrow if I get the job or not..or that is what I have heard at least. I'm kind of nervous to find out but either way I will be happy. I got a lot accomplished today. I worked a 12 hour day yesterday and today was my only day off and then its back to work for another 7. Oh boy im guna be racking in the cash this week. yesssssss...cept I probably wont get to see any of it. lol just means bigger car payments. Hurrah!! Anyways....I think people need to stop holding insignificant grudges on people. yeah? Do you even know what your grudges or hate are about anymore? I think not. Please get over it, I have decided to get over mine, they are completely pointless and boring and guess what. no one cares. Also, friendship is important. You should cherish the people that care about you know, because if you don't you could end up with nothing, they aren't going to hold out forever. "we all need somebody to lean on"..good song..anyways. im hungry. peace.

twenty bucks

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200 he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who do love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are. You are special, don't ever forget it."

Remember to count your blessings, not your problems. Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow, what a ride!"

- a post from wimp.com

My birthday is in a month.

So, just in case you didnt pick it up already, my birthday is in a month. Well, to be exact a month minus one day. Oct. 15th. Isnt that so terribly exciting! woot. Im going to be 21, and i feel 12, is that normal? Lol. Anyways I had my interview for the position of Human Resources Coordinator - Data and Records today and it went suprisingly well. Whatever happens I am happy with the way it went so thats almost all that matters. So it was sunny out today..so i thought "hey it should be warm enough to go out there without a parka on.".....boy was i WRONG. its bloody freezing! what happened to spring/summer and fall? Im still waiting for all of those seasons to come, nevermind winter again already!! hooooooly, somtimes I wonder why I live here. Haha. Well ya know whats cool? Cool is sitting in the staff computer room talking to no one on messenger other then your girlfriend sitting RIGHT next to you. No seriously though, it really is quite awesome. Everyone is so jealous. ADRIENNE I LOVE YOU!!! haha. creepy. Anyways, im out. I made cookies without burning them, I deserve an award because that seriously has never happened before.


goodbye internet!


p.s. it is snowing and I have a fever.

Now that I am in a bit of a better mood ive decided to take an optomistic approach and post some more pictures that I like. You can like them to :)

Winter is coming!

I really love flowers, can't you tell?


So, Im reading the Friday Edition ( a staff newsletter we get every friday..) and I decide to take a look at my lame horoscope for the day, this is what it read.

A change may not be what you expect, but it will be good for you. Don't let insecurity lead you to a poor career choice. A unique approach to love and relationships will bring far more interest than being to aggressive. 3 stars.

oh god, isnt that so right on the money? That is the most intense horoscope I think i've ever read. Made me kind of realize some things I should have figured out on my own. One is that living here I really do get a lot of opportunity career and living wise. I mean, we are seriously set up here. And two, I think I really need to steer my focus away from the fact that I dont have a significant other, and drive it towards more productive and optomistic things to make myself feel better without one.

Hmm...so any applicants to make my decisions for me?

practice what you preach.

This is a picture of a butterfly i took at crystal gardens. I don't care if you don't want to look at it. I think its pretty and I want to look at it and thats all that matters. Shut your eyes or do something productive if its that much of an eye sore.

and here is an edited version. I hope you like it even less :)

News Flash.

Ok, just a few reminders for you people who dont seem to get it already. Lets just say, some FAQ's if you will.

#1. No, I am not a native american, i am not part native, i am not part of any tribe, so please stop asking me.
#2. Yes, I am fully aware that I am a fat cow, please stop reminding me.
#3. No, I no longer do favors for anyone, so please stop asking me that to.
#4. No, you cant borrow my car, no reason needed.
#5. No i wont try to hook you up with some sweet job, get over it. If they wanted you to work here, they would have called you already.
#6. Yes, I do like to work hard. If that bothers you, well i dont really give a shit.
#7. No, I probably dont want to go out to the pub. I either have to work early tomorrow and care about my performance, or I just dont care to see any of the pointless people trying to pick up who dont waste their time on me.
#8. A. Yes I have applied for a bigillion jobs back home, and B. No I havent heard back from any of them.
#9. No, I dont care if Brad Pitt is staying in the hotel, nor do I wan't to hear about what he had for dinner last night.
#10. No I don't care if you don't get along with your roomates and want a room change. Suck it up princess, i' m sure they dont like you either.
#11. No I will not bend any policy for you. Just because you tilt your head a little to the side and smile does not make you any more special nor does it make me care about you any more. In fact, it makes me care less. Try having a temper tantrum, or pouting, cussing and stomping away and maybe THEN I will bend the rules for you. How old are you again?


Answer: No, I dont expect you to live in the dark at all. In fact that would be quite ridiculous. What I would suggest to you is stop being such a baby and go buy your own, because that is what people do in the REAL world.


Answer: No, I dont expect you to live in your disgusting mess at all. See above.


Hello all. I have now decided to recruit for a new position id like to call SOMEONE WHO MAKES ALL MY DECISIONS FOR ME!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP. i dont like making decisions. anyone interested? let me know :P

music makes the world keep on turnin

I LOVE K'NAAN. He is one of the best musicians I have ever heard. Growing up in Somalia, Africa this guy definatley has something to say. go to www.thedustyfoot.com to check him out if you are even a tiny bit intelligent. peace.

Here is a pic of K'naan in all his glory.

Baby they'll build you up only to tear you down. Dont give up, baby dont believe it.


my whole life

hello. here is an update.

So I am taking a leave of abesnce starting Oct.13th. yay 2 days before my birthday. I am then going to visit some pals in nelson for 5 days or so then its homeward bound to the rents house on vancouver island. I have decided to take a well deserved break for a bit, to focus on things that I have wanted to do and are important to me, but havent had the time to do. And plus it wont be to shabby to have the folks and bro around again for a bit, and I mean who can turn up some real home cooked meals. lol. I will miss my friend Adrienne (a gal here from Australia) a lot, but If I don't do this now I am afraid I never will. The building I am living in right now is actually going to be renovated in a couple of weeks, so I am changing residence for about a month before I head home. A bit of a pain to move so much, but the place I will be going to I will have my own room which is quite nice. I'm sleepy.


Something I've been wanting to say to you are you sitting down?Pretty soon, there will be a day,when I won't be around. I'm not trying to scare you or play with your sympathy. Just want to remind you that life is a symphony.

Everyday, live it like it's your last one. Every kiss, kiss it like it's your first love. If i had one wish; then I would wish that you would live today like everyday, Everyday is your last one. People always rushing around,wasting time on money. Don't be just a face in the crowd.Getting high and running from something. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. In the end, it's up to you.

Dip your feet into the ocean. Let the sun beat on your skin. Soak in every emotion,that you never thought you'd live. And never take for granted,every breath you're breathing in. Go everywhere you've never been.

Good news for people who love bad news.

This just in. Most of the things you do in your life dont prove to matter. at all. All my roomates have moved out and one friend remains. I have applied to a plethera of ridiculous places all over B.C. for a new job and havent had any responses. How nice. :) I don't have a boyfriend, or any more guy friends for that matter, and I am starting to think I never will. I mean why would I when there are perfectly good brain dead supermodels walking around just waiting to manipulate you? I mean, who needs an intelligent mind, creative, honest, and loving person to converse with when you can go for a girl who only eats grass and talks about herself all day long? god. what an excellent deal. Maybe it is fun to be someones sheep to be brainwashed until her hearts content. So what if she tells you that she wants you and every guy to want her, but not have her. To bad we dont all have that luxury to just pick and choose as we wish, "oh im finished with you, whos next on my list." Why do you guys insist on falling for it EVERY time? Are you driven to make yourselves look like idiots, is it some higher power, or are you all to stupid to even realize??? I'd give anything to have only one person to be interested in, or better yet, to be interested in me but that i guess is far to unrealisitc these days.

But what is the real world anyways.

Another thought. Why is everyone in such a rush to go to college or university right after high school? Why not wait 5 + years so you can have some time to actually decide want to do with your life. Or at least have something to look forward to. As for me, I am finished college now. Starting to feel like I didn't get a hell of a lot out of it. Depends on how you look at it I guess. And now what am I doing? Nothing. I become depressed by working my butt off in a place I don't really enjoy only to spend everything I have on things that can make me happy for about 5 minutes. Its just a continuous circle.

I miss my family. I love them so much and they are the only thing that matter to me anymore. They are the only people who will be there for you and love you for your entire life no matter what. Mom i wanna come home.

The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in? In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
The more we move ahead the more we're stuck in rewind. Well I don't mind. I don't mind. How the hell could I mind?
Well that is that and this is this. You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get. You get away from me. You get away from me.
Well that is that and this is this. Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed, when the ocean met the sky. You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?

P.S. i miss you caity and april.


My friend Zoe leaves tomorrow. Going to travel across Canada, im going to miss her so much. She is from England and I am her translator i dont know what she will do without me. hehe just kidding. Luv ya Zoe remember to email me with updates all the time an tell me how much of a p-i-m-p toni REALLY is ;). lol.

In other news, I have decided to take a lil road trip down to good ol nelson. I will be bringing caity, april and possibly mallory with me on this excursion. We will just be going for the weekend and thanks to Justin Beaulieu we will have an awesome bed and breakfast to stay at. haha..its going to be excellent.

well im very tired. its past my bedtime. thanks dad for winning me sweet gucci sunglasses on ebay. they are so cute. i cant wait.


and when i see you i really see you upside down.

And on another note..i really miss all my great friends. In the past week Maggie, Tracy, Emily and Alyssa have all left me. It is so sad. my house is empty now. Just in case you dont already know, i love you girls so much and i cannot wait to see you all again. we will for sure. its people like you that make me love this place so much, youll never know how much i have learnt and grown because of you. I have had some of the best times of my life with you gurls, and i will never forget you, i hope you can say the same for me. Some shoutouts to each of you.

Magz - Best roomate a gal could ask for. you are the life of the party!!! you are so chill and awesome, its cuz of you i actually dance at the pub now!! haha.

Tracy - Dont worry tracy, our prosthetic limb company will definatley prospur....i can feel it lol. You crack me up junior :P I know you miss spooning with me and you probably stay awake to try to hear my snore every night, but dont worry, you will find someone to fill my shoes. hehe.

Emily - You better be back. haha. you are such a good person with such a good heart, ill never meet anyone as curtious and giving as you are babe. BC represent!

Alyssa - Omg i cant wait to come visit you way over there on the east coast. Its gunna be good times for sure. I have your shoes, so you gotta see me again, mwuhahaha. AINT NO MOUNTAIN HIGH AINT NO VALLEY LOW AINT NO RIVER WIIIIIIIIIIDE ENOUGH BAAAABY!!

your friendly neighbourhood human resources coordinator.

So i guess I havent been on here in a while.....dont hear any of you complaining :P haha. Anyways, as you can see the subject of this post..its basically screaming I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB. oh no wait..thats just me screaming. :) I have been at it for 2 weeks now and i just love it. A lot to learn, but at least the stuff im doing now feels at least semi-important. haha. no seriously tho its awesome. So that means im now here at least until sometime in June, then who knows what I am up to. Im really interested in Katimavik and Canada world youth and have applied to both of those programs, so well just have to wait it out now....maybe ill be here for the summer, this place really does grow on you....

im awesome.

yaay went on the BANFF GONDOLA FINALLY on friday. It was sooo great! it was the perfect day so sunny and warm!! after i got to the top i got off the gondola and proceeded to hike up sulphur mountain. Don't get that excited it only took me like 20 mins from where you get off on the gondola. took some gorgeous pictures you will all see them soon i know you cant wait :)

so in other news, i have recently applied for a position as human resources coordinator here at the hotel. I would really like this job. You get to wear suits and stuff. (ok so thats not the ONLY reason why i want it, but its a definate bonus, and quite the upgrade from the scruffs i am wearing right now). so everyone wish me luck and cross two fingers, cuz if you cross any more then that you will jinx it. thanks.


i miss my friends.

everyone here is so lazy its disgusting. youd think with such a beautiful day outside people would jump at the opportunity to go outside and do something. or even do anything at all. but nope. as usual. i am going to have a good day tho. skating, walking down to the village taking pictures, cuz i can count on myself to go through with plans. i am so dependable, thanks self for being such a good friend :) yay.

ow my most of me.

I really need to win the lottery. and get some life plans. and save some real money so i can fill my house with my little ponies until I can no longer walk around in it. I also need Echo perfume.

this shit is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s

i love gwen stefani. did you know that? most people do. But to be honest I think I am one of the few that appriciates her more in No Doubt then on her own...even though her new album is not a reflection of herself, and shes not left the band or anything like that, I still cant wait for no doubt to come out with a new album and have everything back to normal. I saw them live once, back in the tragic kingdom days. (those were the days. so great.)

ok and seriously though guys. you are starting to scare me. no one is leaving comments about anything. like comments to tell me that i am feking boring, just nothing. It's starting to make me think that people actually enjoy reading this boring c-wrap. (thanks tracy.) So start posting comments before my head explodes with excitement, or before my ego gets way to big. Thanks.

We are having family dinner, so i have to get to my "chores"...we are having a ton of company, should be lots of fun tho. ( I know you all probably think i am insane, but I, unlike some people, enjoy spending time with my family.) MMMM turkey and stuffing. yummm. So this is all i have to say for now. have a nice day.

im hot.

Here I am back on the good ol island. Feels good to be home, but Im frickin boiling. ITS SO HOT HERE. so hot. What on earth is going on? turn back on the cold. I like being bundled up in my long johns and parkas. seriously tho. I cant even wear my windbreaker without breaking a sweat. This warm weather better end and fast. or else heads are gunna roll. And just in case any of you were worried about my usher cd (its been missing for months) do not fret, it has in fact been located. It was living quietly in the top of my closet. Almost died trying to get it out. it was waaay in there. but so worth it. im listenin to it right now, oh yes. so good. Does anyone know where my Sheryl Crow cd greatest hits cd is?

So coming home is like going on a big clothes shopping trip, but just with clothes you already have. Its so exciting ..like "I HAVE THIS?! THIS IS SOOOO NICE!!" Have a feeling I will be taking a heck of a lot more stuff back with me then i came with. but its all good.

My plans for tomorrow are as follows:
- sleep in.
- have a bath
- watch MTV.
- have another bath.
- go through ALL of my junk. and look at ALL my stuff. and ALL my pictures. and mess up my room.
- hopefully make my way into victoria to spend a super fun night at the empress hotel. oh yes.

so im out. goodnight usher, goodnight world.

seeing stars

so my lamp literally just jumped off my shelf and shattered on my head. it was awesome. my brain hurts a little.

anyways, so today i got a totally awesome note. A family lines up at the elevator and the teenage boy says "hey we left a note for you in our room" and i said "oh wow that is so sweet thank you!!" I proceeded to ask them what room they were in and told them thanks again and to have a good day. So I get into the room all excited for my note and it reads as follows. "This hotel SUX." Like wow. Intense. It was sooo great, best not ever. Made my day of all Due outs and all arrivals SO MUCH BETTER! THANK YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE. not. people are so lame. Like nice try. Could have wrote "sucks" instead of being lazy and using an X. I hate when people use an X. like in X-mas for example. It is freaking christmas. Or ThanX, Xtra, XTREME, RoX....like seriously people no matter how cool you think it is. It's not even gramatically correct. And it looks extremely 80's. Some parts of the 80's are super cool. but this is not. but thanks for coming out.

So other then the fact that using X as a substitue when spelling is tres un-cool, not much else is going on. Its warmed up a bit only -12 today. So much in fact that my nosehairs do not freeze when i go outside. (I know to much information but im letter er all out tonight).

I get to go home in 3 days. Nothing can explain my excitement right now. Going to spend a night at the empress hotel with the big wigs. OH BABY. Warm winter here i come.

ok so im a little bitter. and tired. and sore. and my head hurts. so im guna bounce.


p.s. please pray for me to have a stay over day tomorrow. so I dont have to change 22 beds, that would be so great. hurray.

Frostbite is Fun!

Got back from Banff yesterday afternoon and it was SUCH a blast. I took my friend Amber along with me and we spent the night at the Fairmont Banff Springs in a Deluxe Double Queen room. soooo nice. Went to Hodoos (not sure on the spelling) that evening for some dancing, the place is really nice as well, very modern and there was tons of people. Went for breakfast the next morning at the bow valley grill (complimentary of course) and it was absolutely delicious. We both ate till we almost burst SOOOOO GOOD! Then we headed downtown. The low for that day was -48 degrees. What on earth were we doing outside? A lot of people were showing sure signs of frostbite...not a pretty sight...and the hill in Banff was actually closed due to the cold weather. go figure. But it was beautiful outside so we made it through somehow. ( I did end up having to purchase some rather fashionable long johns to make it through the rest of the day...).

When I arrived back in Lake Louise I met up with a friend of Alex's who was visiting the hotel. We decided to go skating. another wonderful idea. lol. Guy in the skate shop just kind of laughed at us when we showed up back at the rental shop not even 15 minutes after we had rented the skates. it was just to cold. I couldnt feel my bum for 2 hours. :)

So today I am going to stay inside to try to get rid of this cold that has been lurking around me for the past month or so, and then im heading back to work after my spurt of 5 days off. blah. Oh wait, I forgot that the ice scuplture competition is today. Looks like ill be spending the afternoon outside.

Going home in 6 days and I can't wait to see everyone.


I am so very tired. twas a long hard 9 hour day of work today. So glad to be home. Its very cold today as well. Like a an army of ants trying to bite my face off. but ANYWAYS. so last night I went to banff with some friends and I got to watch a REAL movie for the first time in 3 months. oh it felt so good. It was meet the Fockers and it was soo awesome. Although it could have been like Land before time 3 million and I would have loved it. Come to think of it, yesterday was the 3 month mark of my life here in Lake Louise. Pretty weird, i still feel really new to the place. Tomorrow is the start of my 4 day weekend..(the hotel is pretty slow right now) and I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. Plans are to use the one night stay at the banff springs certificate on Wednesday night, it will be so nice to have a bath. (we only have a shower in our house...shared with 3 other girls..so you can see how much of a luxury a long hot bath is for me .lol.)

As far as the housing set up here goes, we have a pretty good lil package going on. There is 4 girls in the place I am in (shauna, maggie, tracy and myself) with only 2 bedrooms and one bathroom. Yes I did say ONE BATHROOM. And you guessed it, for the first time in all my exsistence, I share a bedroom with someone. Who would have thought I would have made it through 15 years of having a little brother and now that I am 20 I share a bedroom, go figure. But really its not that bad. Its nice having the company, and we have huge closests so if i REALLY need to get away from everyone I can just go chill out in there. haha. Believe it or not, I have been forced to learn how to keep my stuff tidy. haha. and to clean (after all I am a housekeeper.) I can make a bed in record time, and make any bathroom look brand new...well maybe im not that good..but its really close.

Anyways, off to watch some boring t.v. with t-t-t-t-tracy. catch yall later. and by yall I mean no one. cuz no one reads this. cuz im so AWESOME!

Now i will leave you with some quotes from one of my favorite movies. you have to guess which one it is from!

"Did you drink AWESOME SHOOTERS and listen to AWESOME MUSIC and just soak up eachothers AWESOMENESS?!?"


"we only wear our hair in a ponytail on fridays. So...I guess you picked today."

bear with me.

so, this is my first and hopefully only, attempt at keeping an online journal. I thought to myself, why dont I keep a journal? And it is because I can only handwrite for say about 2 minutes and loose my train of thought cuz its so slow. So an online journal sounds like a better idea cuz i can typer super fast. lol. anyways, I am living in Lake Louise right now, and besides what you might hear its pretty fun. I came here to save money and have yet to save a single penny (cost of living here is more expensive then you may think...) and i miss my car a lot. oh and my family and friends. hehe. Well anyways, this is just a starter post to see if i can make it in the online journal world so well see how this goes.

I moved to Lake Louise At the beginning of October to work at the Fairmont Chateau and have been here since. I still can't believe that I passed up a warm calm winter on vancouver island (although right now I here they are having a bit of a snow dump) for a winter in the middle of the rocky mountains in -35 weather. but the views and sights here take my breath away. I work in the housekeeping department right now and have currently been transfered to the Mt.Temple Wing of the hotel. (aka the nice part that is brand new.) lol. So im liking it a lot better there. I thought Housekeeping would be good because you don't have to see people much and put up with their crap (like at my previous job at Wal-Mart for example) but I soon found out that sometimes it is a lot harder to deal with peoples actual crap....if that doesnt make sense to you, its alright its kind of gross anyways.

I have met a ton of amazing people already from all parts of the country, even the world. I have friends from Quebec, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Alberta, Australia, New Zeland, Ethiopia (and of course good ol' BC.)

Some things that I have done here are:
-X-Country skiing (which i dont like so much...but its fun when its full contact x-country skiing....lol...I didn't know you could fall so much when you are just on flat ground.)
- Ice Skating (there is a big ice palace in the middle of one of the rinks, its very beautiful.)
- Hiking (tons of hikes..very strenuous but totally worth it the veiws are unbelieveable.)

Some things that I would like to do here are:
- snowshoeing
- go to the Banff Gondola.
- Snowmobiling
- Dog Sledding

We get a discount (sometimes free) on a lot of the winter activites provided here because we are staff, so hopefully I take advantage of that and experience winter in Lake Louise. Im hungry. time for some ....crackers.