In a funk...d

So I am sort of in a funky mixed up state of mind at this particular moment(s) in time. You see, sometimes I am bit creepy and look at other peoples photographs on facebook. Well lets call it borderline creepy, bcuz I know that is SORT OF what they are there for.

(Wow, I just realized I dropped the F Bomb... oopsies. I swore I would never do that.)

But when I look at said person(s) photos, I think to myself, my goodness it certainly looks like they are having a fantastic time wherever they are doing whatever it is they may be doing. And then I start crying, balling actually. But why? I mean, I have a great time doing the things I do where I end up doing them, but through my own eyes, it does not appear the same. If you were to take a picture of me doing something I may consider a good time, It would usually involve my dog, a GPS that doesn't function quite as it should, possibly a friend, and 99.9% of the time, I would not be in it. So maybe that is the problem? Is it that I don't get the opportunity to show everyone what an absolute blast I am having because I am behind the lens, or is it the fact that I spend a lot of my time off doing adult things that are considered a neccesity and not so much a fantastic out of this world experience? Or maybe it is the fact that quite a few of the pictures I have seen that I feel envious of are taken during a "night out on the town" a pracitce that is extremely rare to someone like myself who usually only goes to the bar once a year, on my birthday, which often results in myself going to bed an anticlimatic half hour before midnight.

Or maybe it is something deeper?

Most of the time I feel as though I am getting quite a bit out of life, ya know, lots of bang for my buck so to speak...but I am also often overwhelemed at how quickly time passes, and how many opportunities go unoticed as I rush through the routine of my so called life. There are so many endless possibilites I want to explore, but my body only allows me to be awake for a certain amount of time at a time before I start hallucinating. (which for some people, is a whole other level of fun, but I prefer to be at least somewhat in control of what I am seeing and doing at any given moment.)

I fear as though one day I am going to wake up, 80 years old and go WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?