Only Lady Gaga can turn a lovely christmas carol into a vivid song about spreading stds. (at least that is what it sounds like to me)
If you haven't heard it, here are some of the lyrics (in the tune of tis the season to be jolly)
Light me up put me on top falalalalalalalala
the only place you want to be is underneath my christmas tree
Hoe hoe hoe under the mistetoe
my christmas tree is delicious
and my favorite
here, here, here
the best time of the year
take of my stockings we're
im spreading christmas cheer
After hearing this song, I only pray shes taking medication to prevent spreading her christmas cheer throughout the rest of the year...yikes.
so gross. I wish I could give her props at least for being original, but shes stolen her groove from gwen stefani and her vulgarity from lil kim. Comon...its soooooooooooo been done before *yawn*.
Thanks Lady Gag for being such a classy lady.
Happy Holidays everyone.
Just another day in the life.........
I should have seen this one coming....
A little while back, I had left things until the last minute (so unlike me.....) and completely ran out of cat food before I went to work for the day. (the issue here is that I have a CAT who eats...btw.) And she doesn't eat normal cat food thanks to an overprotective sorta crazy mom (me). So I buy her organic cat food. The downfall to this choice is the only place that sells it is in Victoria. So after work (more like..7pm, like I said I procrastinate.) I drove to Victoria to get her some food.
Wow this is a really good story so far. *yawn.*
Anyways. I don't remember if I said before or not..but after the previous vehicle "situations" the lil red neon retired for a while and needed to be replaced.
Replaced by a 1979 Fiat X1/9. I know...who replaces a sedan with a convertible sportscar? Well it was only $600 and it was cute.
So I drive said vehicle into town when (not for the first time) it broke down, right before one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) intersection on the way into Victoria on the highway. It is rush hour and my four way flashers are not working. So I get out, wait for the light to turn green and start to push.
Apparently I was not pushing my vehicle through the intersection fast enough, because dirtbag behind me felt compelled to honk. I like to think he was simply "cheering" me on and honking in support of my ability to be proactive about the situation instead of just sitting in the car and crying (which I would have much preferred.) I would like to tell him that next time it would be more appropriate to actually get out of his car and offer to help, but I'd probably have to agree to follow him on twitter or release my personal information for distribution to online marketers to get something like "help" these days.
As I push my car through the intersection and off to the side of the road, I notice a sausage fest in the vehicle passing me on my left. (I mean...a car full of teenage boys.) Who are videotaping me with their cell phone. Well I am making an assumption there, but I couldn't honestly tell you what else they would be doing holding a phone out their window and laughing....perhaps checking the weather or calling their grandma? I hope that shit gets denied on youtube for lack of substance and purpose.
To get the car to stop rolling and prevent it from going down the bank, I drag my knees and toes (one of which were broken) along the gravel and hop inside the car.
Before I continue I have to mention I have been having an epic battle against Rogers lately and am now on my third blackberry in less then a year. Of course said blackberry was not working when this situation occurred, so my hike to the nearest gas station ensued.
Gas Station #1: No $ for payphone, would not let me use their business phone even after begging.
Gas Station #2: Attendant was acting very suspicious and whispering to her friends. Made me self conscious for a moment but after canoodeling with her co worker, she finally handed the phone over to me and said "OMG IVE SEEN YOUR TATTOO ON GOOGLE."
Now at this point....I am overwhelmed. (For clarification purposes....she actually meant MY tattoo, I think I have talked about how I am far more popular then Lindsay Lohan when it comes to my "breathe" tattoos life on the internet.)
She went on to tell me that the term breathe means a lot to her and her sister, they love to sing the song...or something. It was a really nice moment though, took me out of my woe is me moment and made me acknowledge that my encounter with this human wouldn't have occurred had I not had this little hiccup lead me to it.
I get ahold of my dad, who comes to my rescue AGAIN. I think like 98.5 % of my stories end in my mother or father come save me.
While we are fixing the car, I see a dude on a bike watching us from down the road. He waits until we get the car up and running, then says "oh, I see you got er runnin again. good on you..... can you give me a ride home"?
The glow from my earlier encounter with the energetic bubbly teenager quickly turns into (insert the complete opposite of "glowing" here.)
A RIDE??!?!?! WTF? YOU ARE ASKING ME, WITH THE TWO PERSON VEHICLE FOR A RIDE WHEN YOU HAVE A PERFECTLY DECENT BICYCLE? WHERE WERE WE SUPPOSED TO PUT IT EXACTLY? NEXT TIME YOU ARE THINKING OF ASKING SOMETHING FOR NOTHING, I WOULD SUGGEST TO BE A BIT MORE DISCREET AS YOU WATCH AND WAIT FOR US TO FIX YOUR PREFERRED METHOD OF TRANSPORTATION.
I kindly said "no we are going in the other direction". what a lie. hey dude, if you exist in the Internet world I LIED TO YOU and I don't even feel a little bad about it.
A little while back, I had left things until the last minute (so unlike me.....) and completely ran out of cat food before I went to work for the day. (the issue here is that I have a CAT who eats...btw.) And she doesn't eat normal cat food thanks to an overprotective sorta crazy mom (me). So I buy her organic cat food. The downfall to this choice is the only place that sells it is in Victoria. So after work (more like..7pm, like I said I procrastinate.) I drove to Victoria to get her some food.
Wow this is a really good story so far. *yawn.*
Anyways. I don't remember if I said before or not..but after the previous vehicle "situations" the lil red neon retired for a while and needed to be replaced.
Replaced by a 1979 Fiat X1/9. I know...who replaces a sedan with a convertible sportscar? Well it was only $600 and it was cute.
So I drive said vehicle into town when (not for the first time) it broke down, right before one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) intersection on the way into Victoria on the highway. It is rush hour and my four way flashers are not working. So I get out, wait for the light to turn green and start to push.
Apparently I was not pushing my vehicle through the intersection fast enough, because dirtbag behind me felt compelled to honk. I like to think he was simply "cheering" me on and honking in support of my ability to be proactive about the situation instead of just sitting in the car and crying (which I would have much preferred.) I would like to tell him that next time it would be more appropriate to actually get out of his car and offer to help, but I'd probably have to agree to follow him on twitter or release my personal information for distribution to online marketers to get something like "help" these days.
As I push my car through the intersection and off to the side of the road, I notice a sausage fest in the vehicle passing me on my left. (I mean...a car full of teenage boys.) Who are videotaping me with their cell phone. Well I am making an assumption there, but I couldn't honestly tell you what else they would be doing holding a phone out their window and laughing....perhaps checking the weather or calling their grandma? I hope that shit gets denied on youtube for lack of substance and purpose.
To get the car to stop rolling and prevent it from going down the bank, I drag my knees and toes (one of which were broken) along the gravel and hop inside the car.
Before I continue I have to mention I have been having an epic battle against Rogers lately and am now on my third blackberry in less then a year. Of course said blackberry was not working when this situation occurred, so my hike to the nearest gas station ensued.
Gas Station #1: No $ for payphone, would not let me use their business phone even after begging.
Gas Station #2: Attendant was acting very suspicious and whispering to her friends. Made me self conscious for a moment but after canoodeling with her co worker, she finally handed the phone over to me and said "OMG IVE SEEN YOUR TATTOO ON GOOGLE."
Now at this point....I am overwhelmed. (For clarification purposes....she actually meant MY tattoo, I think I have talked about how I am far more popular then Lindsay Lohan when it comes to my "breathe" tattoos life on the internet.)
She went on to tell me that the term breathe means a lot to her and her sister, they love to sing the song...or something. It was a really nice moment though, took me out of my woe is me moment and made me acknowledge that my encounter with this human wouldn't have occurred had I not had this little hiccup lead me to it.
I get ahold of my dad, who comes to my rescue AGAIN. I think like 98.5 % of my stories end in my mother or father come save me.
While we are fixing the car, I see a dude on a bike watching us from down the road. He waits until we get the car up and running, then says "oh, I see you got er runnin again. good on you..... can you give me a ride home"?
The glow from my earlier encounter with the energetic bubbly teenager quickly turns into (insert the complete opposite of "glowing" here.)
A RIDE??!?!?! WTF? YOU ARE ASKING ME, WITH THE TWO PERSON VEHICLE FOR A RIDE WHEN YOU HAVE A PERFECTLY DECENT BICYCLE? WHERE WERE WE SUPPOSED TO PUT IT EXACTLY? NEXT TIME YOU ARE THINKING OF ASKING SOMETHING FOR NOTHING, I WOULD SUGGEST TO BE A BIT MORE DISCREET AS YOU WATCH AND WAIT FOR US TO FIX YOUR PREFERRED METHOD OF TRANSPORTATION.
I kindly said "no we are going in the other direction". what a lie. hey dude, if you exist in the Internet world I LIED TO YOU and I don't even feel a little bad about it.
I need a laugh
Long day. A good way for me to cheer myself up quickly is to talk about silly things that I have done. There is nothing easier then to laugh at yourself. It's like telling a joke and being the only one laughing. In my books, I think you are the shit if you can laugh at your own jokes because really....you've got it made. Hours of entertainment. Anyways, enough rambling, lets get to the goods. This time around, I am going to talk about my online dating experiences (catastrophes?).
Scenario #1: So this one wasn't so much a "date" but it did guarantee me to not get a date in the future.
I found someone on facebook being somewhat creepy and searching for "geocaching" in their interest. I found a fellow close to my age and we started chatting. We hit it off right away and decided to hang out shortly after. I don't usually jump into things so quickly but it seemed like we would get along and I really needed a caching partner. (if you don't know what geocaching is, go to www.geocaching.com)
We went to find our first cache, and I managed to fall off of a log into the ocean.
Kind of embarrassing, but I did have at least another pair of shoes in my car.
Which just so happened to be locked, with the keys inside.
I then had to call my father to unlock it.
Can anyone else say that their dad has been present at their first blind date?
After 20 minutes, my dad and his friend showed up to let me in my car. Changed my shoes and fired up the vehicle.
My gas gauge had stopped working, but I didn't know it yet and we barely made it to the gas station before running out of gas.
Then I got lost.
Needless to say, the guy was kind but not to interested in continuing anything. (platonic or romantic.)
Scenario #2: I went on a date with a guy I had met once before and managed to make an alright first impression. Geocaching was involved in our first meeting and I survived, so he was willing to go for dinner with me. My glasses had broken just before (see post for details on how I managed to break my glasses while changing a flat tire.)
My depth perception wasn't so great that night, and when I reached across the table to take a drink of my cranberry juice, I miscalculated my reach and spilt my drink all over the table, AND HIS LAP. Needless to say, that was also our late date.
I was planning on mentioning some other situations, but I decided two would be enough for tonight. On a more serious note, what is up with people on Internet dating sites anyways? I think it is way to simple. People are constantly looking to make sure that nothing else better comes up. I would much rather meet a human being in person in a natural environment then from behind a computer screen. I think it just contributes to our worlds lack of ability to communicate in real life. The Internet is a scary place, but I guess if it weren't for the Internet, you wouldn't be on my blog, reading about my online dating experiences. And I wouldn't have a platform to rant about meaningless crap either, so I guess you could say I am thankful. (Thanks Internet.)
ho hum. my dog just took a piss on the carpet. my rent increased by 20$ and it snowed last night. But I just pulled out a fresh batch of oatmeal cookies so it sort of balances out i guess.
Scenario #1: So this one wasn't so much a "date" but it did guarantee me to not get a date in the future.
I found someone on facebook being somewhat creepy and searching for "geocaching" in their interest. I found a fellow close to my age and we started chatting. We hit it off right away and decided to hang out shortly after. I don't usually jump into things so quickly but it seemed like we would get along and I really needed a caching partner. (if you don't know what geocaching is, go to www.geocaching.com)
We went to find our first cache, and I managed to fall off of a log into the ocean.
Kind of embarrassing, but I did have at least another pair of shoes in my car.
Which just so happened to be locked, with the keys inside.
I then had to call my father to unlock it.
Can anyone else say that their dad has been present at their first blind date?
After 20 minutes, my dad and his friend showed up to let me in my car. Changed my shoes and fired up the vehicle.
My gas gauge had stopped working, but I didn't know it yet and we barely made it to the gas station before running out of gas.
Then I got lost.
Needless to say, the guy was kind but not to interested in continuing anything. (platonic or romantic.)
Scenario #2: I went on a date with a guy I had met once before and managed to make an alright first impression. Geocaching was involved in our first meeting and I survived, so he was willing to go for dinner with me. My glasses had broken just before (see post for details on how I managed to break my glasses while changing a flat tire.)
My depth perception wasn't so great that night, and when I reached across the table to take a drink of my cranberry juice, I miscalculated my reach and spilt my drink all over the table, AND HIS LAP. Needless to say, that was also our late date.
I was planning on mentioning some other situations, but I decided two would be enough for tonight. On a more serious note, what is up with people on Internet dating sites anyways? I think it is way to simple. People are constantly looking to make sure that nothing else better comes up. I would much rather meet a human being in person in a natural environment then from behind a computer screen. I think it just contributes to our worlds lack of ability to communicate in real life. The Internet is a scary place, but I guess if it weren't for the Internet, you wouldn't be on my blog, reading about my online dating experiences. And I wouldn't have a platform to rant about meaningless crap either, so I guess you could say I am thankful. (Thanks Internet.)
ho hum. my dog just took a piss on the carpet. my rent increased by 20$ and it snowed last night. But I just pulled out a fresh batch of oatmeal cookies so it sort of balances out i guess.
Holiday Dis-ease
Dearest Wal-Mart,
I forgive you for accidentally playing Christmas music in the middle of November. I understand that 12 is an overwhelming number and it is easy to forget that November is only the 11th month of the year. Don't worry to much, a few quick trips to the electric chair will cure your customers of their Christmas Carol induced whistling psychosis.
It is however in your best interest to never do this again. Some serious damage to your way to early display of CHRISTMAS TREES might occur.....just a warning, it's not a threat or anything (yes it is.)
p.s. Thank you also for turning the only kind of toothpaste i like into "Hannah Montana" Brand. Nothing says good morning sunshine like a teeny bopper giving me the eyes while I brush my teeth.
I forgive you for accidentally playing Christmas music in the middle of November. I understand that 12 is an overwhelming number and it is easy to forget that November is only the 11th month of the year. Don't worry to much, a few quick trips to the electric chair will cure your customers of their Christmas Carol induced whistling psychosis.
It is however in your best interest to never do this again. Some serious damage to your way to early display of CHRISTMAS TREES might occur.....just a warning, it's not a threat or anything (yes it is.)
p.s. Thank you also for turning the only kind of toothpaste i like into "Hannah Montana" Brand. Nothing says good morning sunshine like a teeny bopper giving me the eyes while I brush my teeth.
Semi Truck SUPRISE!!!
So this happened a little while ago, but I guess I really had to let it settled in before I shared this "experience". (possible somewhat flattering non sleeping nightmare......) Let me explain.
So, when I was just finished college I was a bright and shiny graphic designer ready to take on the world, except I had no contacts and had no idea what I wanted to be creating. Somehow, (probably compliments of some unsuccessful online dating community) I started talking to this guy who told me his company needed a logo. I didn't have much else to do and was intrigued at the idea how how I put zero effort in trying to land the job. Not knowing anything about the industry (or real life contracts) I decided to draw up a quick proof and send it off to see if they liked my direction. I heard nothing back and assumed they thought my work was either a.shit b. they weren't a real company and it was actually some 80 yr old man pretending to own a company to get my attention or c. they found someone else. For years I didn't think of it, and the logo design disappeared into the world of the discarded, incomplete and forgotten designs of the abyss that is my old hard rive. Lost forever (Or so I thought....)
Flash forward to 3 years later. I am driving along in my work van on the highway, when I notice a semi truck coming up to pass me on the left up a hill. Pfft I thought, silly semi you have no idea of the hill you are about to ascend on, you will see me passing your sorry butt later. I look up to see who this speeding semi belongs to....and I choked on my water and spit it all over my lap.
There on the side of the shiny silver semi was the logo I had created 3 years prior in all its glory. (And to think this was just my "rough draft version.")
I never knew I could feel so many emotions all at once. I was shocked, flattered, confused and angry at what I saw. Was I going crazy? Was it just a dream that I had actually created this? I mean its not everyday you get to see something you made (for a company you actually assumed didn't even exist in the first place) on the side of a giant truck.I don't want to disclose which company this was for, because I am sure they are a somewhat reputable company with good product (or they wouldn't exist, especially in the world in this current economic state).
I just find it so strange, that is about the only word that can really explain it.Oh the reason I pay for cable is on. (No its not something productive and educational like the news or the discovery channel.....it is The City.....so shoot me.)
So, when I was just finished college I was a bright and shiny graphic designer ready to take on the world, except I had no contacts and had no idea what I wanted to be creating. Somehow, (probably compliments of some unsuccessful online dating community) I started talking to this guy who told me his company needed a logo. I didn't have much else to do and was intrigued at the idea how how I put zero effort in trying to land the job. Not knowing anything about the industry (or real life contracts) I decided to draw up a quick proof and send it off to see if they liked my direction. I heard nothing back and assumed they thought my work was either a.shit b. they weren't a real company and it was actually some 80 yr old man pretending to own a company to get my attention or c. they found someone else. For years I didn't think of it, and the logo design disappeared into the world of the discarded, incomplete and forgotten designs of the abyss that is my old hard rive. Lost forever (Or so I thought....)
Flash forward to 3 years later. I am driving along in my work van on the highway, when I notice a semi truck coming up to pass me on the left up a hill. Pfft I thought, silly semi you have no idea of the hill you are about to ascend on, you will see me passing your sorry butt later. I look up to see who this speeding semi belongs to....and I choked on my water and spit it all over my lap.
There on the side of the shiny silver semi was the logo I had created 3 years prior in all its glory. (And to think this was just my "rough draft version.")
I never knew I could feel so many emotions all at once. I was shocked, flattered, confused and angry at what I saw. Was I going crazy? Was it just a dream that I had actually created this? I mean its not everyday you get to see something you made (for a company you actually assumed didn't even exist in the first place) on the side of a giant truck.I don't want to disclose which company this was for, because I am sure they are a somewhat reputable company with good product (or they wouldn't exist, especially in the world in this current economic state).
I just find it so strange, that is about the only word that can really explain it.Oh the reason I pay for cable is on. (No its not something productive and educational like the news or the discovery channel.....it is The City.....so shoot me.)
am i acting my age?
So I am going to be 25 in a few days. Excuse me while I take a moment to throw up a little in my mouth.....
Anyways. In celebration of turning 1/4 century old (my parents will like that. It is in fraction form instead of money. This inside comment will not make sense to anyone else, but believe me, this is a good thing.) I have compiled a list of the top 25 things that remind me I am getting older. By compiled, I mean I thought of them just now, at the top of my head while I procrastinate on doing the laundry or anything else equally productive. Begin.
25. I change the radio station when music comes on, so I can find things like the road report or the news.
24. I enjoy the "flashback" lunch music hours on the radio station.
23. I know what a nightgown is. I may or may not own one.
22. People call me "ma'am or lady." Ha! If they only knew.
21. I think clothing over 30$ is expensive.
20. I wake up before 9am on the weekend.
19. I wake up early before 9am on the weekend to attend garage sales.
18. My idea of a good gift is a weed eater, it makes me happy.
17. I own placemats.
16. I am appauled when I see a young person texting on their cell phone and painting their nails at work.
15. I am jealous of young persons ability to use a cash register with wet finger nails.
I4. I use my cell phone to call people.
13. I took a break from formulating this list to put in another load of laundry....out of guilt.
12. I still don't understand twitter. I only know it as a somewhat useful and at times innacurate form of news updates.
11. I went to San Francisco primarily to see the Academy of Sciences.
10. My first CD was New Kids On The Block
9. I get excited when I see "reduced for quick sale" at the supermarket.
8. I have plugged my ears at more than one rock concert.
7. My friend Alex brings my new wrinkles to my attention (just in case I wasn't aware)
6. I don't dye my hair in an attempt to have more money to pay bills.
5. Starting a program of interest at university would mean finishing when I am over the age of 30.
4. I traded in my subscription from Lou Lou and Cosmo for Canadian Living and Scientific Mind
3. I talk to my pets like they listen and understand what I am saying.
2. I have to set a time limit for myself before I enter the Michaels store.
1. I have been loved on so much by family and friends in my life thus far, you would think I would be turning 100 in order to fit it all in :)
Thank you to everyone who is a part of my life. I love you all so much.
Anyways. In celebration of turning 1/4 century old (my parents will like that. It is in fraction form instead of money. This inside comment will not make sense to anyone else, but believe me, this is a good thing.) I have compiled a list of the top 25 things that remind me I am getting older. By compiled, I mean I thought of them just now, at the top of my head while I procrastinate on doing the laundry or anything else equally productive. Begin.
25. I change the radio station when music comes on, so I can find things like the road report or the news.
24. I enjoy the "flashback" lunch music hours on the radio station.
23. I know what a nightgown is. I may or may not own one.
22. People call me "ma'am or lady." Ha! If they only knew.
21. I think clothing over 30$ is expensive.
20. I wake up before 9am on the weekend.
19. I wake up early before 9am on the weekend to attend garage sales.
18. My idea of a good gift is a weed eater, it makes me happy.
17. I own placemats.
16. I am appauled when I see a young person texting on their cell phone and painting their nails at work.
15. I am jealous of young persons ability to use a cash register with wet finger nails.
I4. I use my cell phone to call people.
13. I took a break from formulating this list to put in another load of laundry....out of guilt.
12. I still don't understand twitter. I only know it as a somewhat useful and at times innacurate form of news updates.
11. I went to San Francisco primarily to see the Academy of Sciences.
10. My first CD was New Kids On The Block
9. I get excited when I see "reduced for quick sale" at the supermarket.
8. I have plugged my ears at more than one rock concert.
7. My friend Alex brings my new wrinkles to my attention (just in case I wasn't aware)
6. I don't dye my hair in an attempt to have more money to pay bills.
5. Starting a program of interest at university would mean finishing when I am over the age of 30.
4. I traded in my subscription from Lou Lou and Cosmo for Canadian Living and Scientific Mind
3. I talk to my pets like they listen and understand what I am saying.
2. I have to set a time limit for myself before I enter the Michaels store.
1. I have been loved on so much by family and friends in my life thus far, you would think I would be turning 100 in order to fit it all in :)
Thank you to everyone who is a part of my life. I love you all so much.
Lisa needs to....get a life?
I am totally copying this idea from a friend, but i think the results are potentially, catasrophically accurate? (at least for my experience.)
The idea is...to type "your name, needs" into google and see what comes up for you. I was thinking earlier today how creepy cool it was that my breathe tattoo is searchable on google images (I fear it is as famous as I will ever get) and this inspirsed me to follow in the footsteps of others and see what this little experiment reveals for me. Here are a few at the top of the list:
1. Lisa needs braces
2. Lisa needs to get a life OMG I WAS KIDDING WHEN I TITLED THIS POST LISA NEEDS TO GET A LIFE. oh the irony.
3. Lisa needs a tree
4. Lisa needs a home
5. Lisa needs a new concealer
6. Lisa needs wooden spatculas? (plural...really one isn't enough?)
7. Lisa needs help!
8. Lisa needs to get away from family
9. Lisa needs a bigger grin and a lot more warmth
10. Lisa needs......... you.
Speechless is needy Lisa.
The idea is...to type "your name, needs" into google and see what comes up for you. I was thinking earlier today how creepy cool it was that my breathe tattoo is searchable on google images (I fear it is as famous as I will ever get) and this inspirsed me to follow in the footsteps of others and see what this little experiment reveals for me. Here are a few at the top of the list:
1. Lisa needs braces
2. Lisa needs to get a life OMG I WAS KIDDING WHEN I TITLED THIS POST LISA NEEDS TO GET A LIFE. oh the irony.
3. Lisa needs a tree
4. Lisa needs a home
5. Lisa needs a new concealer
6. Lisa needs wooden spatculas? (plural...really one isn't enough?)
7. Lisa needs help!
8. Lisa needs to get away from family
9. Lisa needs a bigger grin and a lot more warmth
10. Lisa needs......... you.
Speechless is needy Lisa.
Single on Valentines is shit?
So I have this thing called blogpatrol that tells me where people are referencing my blog from. It is usually empty, as it hardly gets any traffic other then my mom (who can't even read it) but I'm ok with that. But yesterday, I see that someone has stumbled across my blog by typing in "Single on Valentins is shit." I don't understand how this could be possible, so I have to see for myself, and there is my blog in all its glory, the first site to come up on google. Now don't get me wrong, I was stoked to see I was actually googable for the first time in my life (yay) (well actually second, you used tobe able to type breath tattoo into google images and it would show up first but all of a sudden i dissapeared and lindsay lohan was all over the place...weird..not like I check or anything.) Anyways, What I am trying to say is, I have never said Single on Valentines is shit. I have no idea how google managed to associate those particular keywords with my blog, perhaps it can read my mind? I wouldn't say being single on valentines is shitty, I have written in the past at actually how positive an experience it can be (sweatpants at home with junkfood and sappy movies, or even sweatpants out in public if you are adventuruous.) So I remain perplexed but sickly charmed.
Because I am enviro friendly I like to recycle, and because I like to recycle I will post my old valentines day spiffs for you to enjoy. (yeah right. It's cuz I'm lazy and can't think of anything witty or charming to write this year.)
On that note, Happy Saturday y'all. Go out and get your VD on.
(For those of you to whom I sent this out as a link, I apologize. I am not skilled enough in the facebook world to figure out how to simply send you an image. Please accept this as your valentines card, if you managed to make it to the end of this post without going what the f*%&, congrats.)
It always comes back to you...
Why did you have to set the bar so high?
I expect too much from people because of you.
It always has to come back to you, and you don't even realize it.
Even if I were to tell you to your face, you still wouldn't get it.
You are a gift to each life you touch. I hope one day you will see your full potential.
My mind holds on to so many memories. I wish I would have known in the simplicity of those moments,what it would mean to me now. Maybe I would have warned myself not to keep a place in my heart for you. Perhaps there would be room for someone else.
I expect too much from people because of you.
It always has to come back to you, and you don't even realize it.
Even if I were to tell you to your face, you still wouldn't get it.
You are a gift to each life you touch. I hope one day you will see your full potential.
My mind holds on to so many memories. I wish I would have known in the simplicity of those moments,what it would mean to me now. Maybe I would have warned myself not to keep a place in my heart for you. Perhaps there would be room for someone else.
OUCH, MY MOST OF ME.
So this is a rather personal and embarrassing topic to be writing about, but I believe that other women can learn from my mistakes. I have been commercially persuaded to purchase a product that did not to what it originally is intended for. Let this be a reminder that people in commercials are paid to pretend to enjoy a product.
Cut to woman in shower – using a hair removal product on her legs which appear to already be stubble free. Why would she be doing that anyway is my question. That should have been seen as a warning sign to not proceed.
I, being the product persuaded person that I am went out and bought this amazing time saver dealy. Oh the simplicity of not having to shave your legs, but simply apply a cream that will make it all disappear while you shower, oh the bliss. (Oh the nightmare.)
I applied said cream to my legs ignoring the warning that clearly states to “test product on small area of skin and wait 24 hours. If irritation occurs, do not use this product.” Pfft yeah right, who has time for that. I have hairy legs now and I want to get rid of it now, not 24 hours from now.
I figured that the tingling turning to stinging sensation was to be expected and continued on with the normal routine. Suddenly my routine turns pain induced panic and I wipe the crap off my legs as fast as humanly possible (also ignoring the warnings to NOT SCRUB the area. I didn’t want any trace of this crap left on my body.)
I step out of the shower and pat my legs dry, like I was told, hoping the worst was over. It wasn’t.
I now have a swollen painful rash all over my legs, resembling that of a lobstery skin feels like it is on fire. I am wearing a skirt and leggings. Everyone tells me I look great, but little do they know it’s the only thing I can wear that doesn’t cause a severe burning sensation to my calves.
Thank god I didn’t use this anywhere else on my body, I fear the pain would be too much to tolerate.
LESSON FOR TODAY: There is no easy way out. Take the 5 minutes to shave your damn legs moron.
Cut to woman in shower – using a hair removal product on her legs which appear to already be stubble free. Why would she be doing that anyway is my question. That should have been seen as a warning sign to not proceed.
I, being the product persuaded person that I am went out and bought this amazing time saver dealy. Oh the simplicity of not having to shave your legs, but simply apply a cream that will make it all disappear while you shower, oh the bliss. (Oh the nightmare.)
I applied said cream to my legs ignoring the warning that clearly states to “test product on small area of skin and wait 24 hours. If irritation occurs, do not use this product.” Pfft yeah right, who has time for that. I have hairy legs now and I want to get rid of it now, not 24 hours from now.
I figured that the tingling turning to stinging sensation was to be expected and continued on with the normal routine. Suddenly my routine turns pain induced panic and I wipe the crap off my legs as fast as humanly possible (also ignoring the warnings to NOT SCRUB the area. I didn’t want any trace of this crap left on my body.)
I step out of the shower and pat my legs dry, like I was told, hoping the worst was over. It wasn’t.
I now have a swollen painful rash all over my legs, resembling that of a lobstery skin feels like it is on fire. I am wearing a skirt and leggings. Everyone tells me I look great, but little do they know it’s the only thing I can wear that doesn’t cause a severe burning sensation to my calves.
Thank god I didn’t use this anywhere else on my body, I fear the pain would be too much to tolerate.
LESSON FOR TODAY: There is no easy way out. Take the 5 minutes to shave your damn legs moron.
Comon & Rescue Me!
A couple of weeks ago, I had a day. It snowed, I was ok with that. I was having a glorious day at work regardless and nothing could dampen the mood for me. No particular reason for my excessive happiness, just blissfully enjoying being alive. That’s allowed. Obviously some other power thought it wasn’t, and just to test my capabilities and tolerance I was given a rather interesting afternoon.
After work I finish brushing off the dusting of snow from the car (with an actual scraper might I add, not a credit card or some other object whose purpose was not originally intended for snow removal) when I notice I have an excessively flat tire. O.k. No biggie. Because of my dad, I know how to change a tire. So I get out the spare and begin hositing up the side of the car. Once I am all ready to go I realize that in the midst of my ability and ambition to change said tire, I had forgotten to loosen the nuts BEFORE the tire was off the ground. So, back to stage one. With a bit of a struggle, I manage, and again begin hoisting up the car. A couple of people from work offer to help but I decline because hello, I am superwoman after all. Just as I pull off the tire to replace it with the spare, my glasses fall off my face, into the snow, and I kneel on them. In one fluid motion, I manage to break my glasses right in half.
I now proceed to finish putting on the spare tire partially blind. (ok so it wasn’ t that bad, but glasses are meant for seeing. So when you don’t have them initially, it’s rather difficult.)
Content with what I had accomplished, I was ready to get rolling. Pack everything back in the car, am about to fire it up and I remember three things.
1. The tire exchange is closed
2. My dad’s birthday dinner is scheduled for...10 minutes ago
3. I cannot drive over 60 km on the spare, and have a half an hour of driving to do on the highway, which happens to also be covered in a blanket of snow.
I end up calling my dad, on the way to his own party to come and pick me up. Funny how most of these situations end with a phone call to my father. Lucky girl I am. I leave my car at work, have a great dinner, my eyes semi adjust without the glasses, and I have forgotten my dad’s birthday card in the car. Not even close to perfection, but it will have to do. Ironically the card I got for my dad says something along the lines of “Because of my dad I know what to do in every situation” inside reads “call dad.”
I have yet to give him the card.
FYI: I now have my new glasses on, and it is glorious. I actually needed new lenses but didn't have any money to buy them and because of this misfourtune, I ended up getting new ones (paid for by mum. thank you times a million, my headaches are gone.) The following day I also took my car to the tire exchange to have it replaced. Turns out the tire was never put on correctly in the first place, and I managed to get it repaired for free, because for the first time in my life I told them what I felt I deserved rather then getting pushed around.
Sometimes it takes longer, but most things happen to open the door to something else. I got a new pair of glasses and a moment of self assurance, so I would say this worked out pretty well for me all things considered.
After work I finish brushing off the dusting of snow from the car (with an actual scraper might I add, not a credit card or some other object whose purpose was not originally intended for snow removal) when I notice I have an excessively flat tire. O.k. No biggie. Because of my dad, I know how to change a tire. So I get out the spare and begin hositing up the side of the car. Once I am all ready to go I realize that in the midst of my ability and ambition to change said tire, I had forgotten to loosen the nuts BEFORE the tire was off the ground. So, back to stage one. With a bit of a struggle, I manage, and again begin hoisting up the car. A couple of people from work offer to help but I decline because hello, I am superwoman after all. Just as I pull off the tire to replace it with the spare, my glasses fall off my face, into the snow, and I kneel on them. In one fluid motion, I manage to break my glasses right in half.
I now proceed to finish putting on the spare tire partially blind. (ok so it wasn’ t that bad, but glasses are meant for seeing. So when you don’t have them initially, it’s rather difficult.)
Content with what I had accomplished, I was ready to get rolling. Pack everything back in the car, am about to fire it up and I remember three things.
1. The tire exchange is closed
2. My dad’s birthday dinner is scheduled for...10 minutes ago
3. I cannot drive over 60 km on the spare, and have a half an hour of driving to do on the highway, which happens to also be covered in a blanket of snow.
I end up calling my dad, on the way to his own party to come and pick me up. Funny how most of these situations end with a phone call to my father. Lucky girl I am. I leave my car at work, have a great dinner, my eyes semi adjust without the glasses, and I have forgotten my dad’s birthday card in the car. Not even close to perfection, but it will have to do. Ironically the card I got for my dad says something along the lines of “Because of my dad I know what to do in every situation” inside reads “call dad.”
I have yet to give him the card.
FYI: I now have my new glasses on, and it is glorious. I actually needed new lenses but didn't have any money to buy them and because of this misfourtune, I ended up getting new ones (paid for by mum. thank you times a million, my headaches are gone.) The following day I also took my car to the tire exchange to have it replaced. Turns out the tire was never put on correctly in the first place, and I managed to get it repaired for free, because for the first time in my life I told them what I felt I deserved rather then getting pushed around.
Sometimes it takes longer, but most things happen to open the door to something else. I got a new pair of glasses and a moment of self assurance, so I would say this worked out pretty well for me all things considered.
THAT MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT...MEGAN FOX GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ok, normally I don't write about celebrities. I don't have the time or energy to care what they had for breakfast two weeks ago, or that they are preparing for their 8th divorce. But I seriously cannot help but comment on statements being made by Megan Fox. Most guys would likely know who I am talking about. I actually happen to have a non lesbian girl crush on this amazingly gorgeous human being. In my eyes, shes perfect. She has amazing style and a no bullshit attitude. I would do anything to be like her. (Sounds a bit soul selling and superficial, but we all have our moments. For me, this is one of those times.)
She was quoted to have said she feels like a transvestite with no self esteem, and that her "manly looks make her want to vomit." seriously, stop right there. If you are going to walk around with those looks and continue to complain like that, I am going to have to intervene. God forbid you would have to look like me miss Megan. I wouldn't want to hear what you would have to say about that.
I, like any other girl with a low level of self esteem can't even begin to imagine how someone with so much beauty could feel just as insecure about themselves. I always have the thought in the back of my mind that if i was beautiful all my problems would be solved. It is a bit dissapointing to find out that this may not be totally true. What can I blame my problems on now if not that! Help, I'm having a life moment.( a tiny ounce of sarcasm may be present here, but mostly because I don't want you to know that some of these thoughts may be true.)
Confession
I don't like shopping.
I bet some of you are in disagreement, so let me explain.
I like forced social interaction.
I enjoy walking around looking at shiny objects and being asked by the sales clerk if i need help. Yeah I need help, but not the kind you can give me, but thanks for asking, your forced interaction with me as a customer is enough.
I like to buy ideas.
I have no money, but I appreacite being able to accumulate material objects if they are on sale. If I do buy something its likely because I am buying an idea that I will later want to replicate (and end up never doing so.) I am very craft oriented and see a project in most things. Micheals is a death trap for me, I have a time limit set most of the time before I enter.
I can't stand large masses of people who are easily distracted.
Going into Costco is my own personal hell. The only time I enter such a facility is when I have a list. Who goes to costco to browse? It's a place of wholesale, so im suggesting you do not impulse buy anything unless you want three or more of them.
I am easily overwhelmed.
For most shopping is a relaxing way to spend the afternoon. For me, its a challenge. I often have to hold onto other people to walk and look at something at the same time. My multitasking abilities dissapear and I am swallowed in a sea of people and slowly become blind and deaf. Forms of communication become obsolete and I am left to die a slow painful retail death. (ok so its not that bad, but how else can i explain it? you're not in my head.)
I never get what I came for.
I go in to find a pair of pants and I come out with fake flowers and a dress. I get home and still have no pants. What part of that is a good time?
I bet some of you are in disagreement, so let me explain.
I like forced social interaction.
I enjoy walking around looking at shiny objects and being asked by the sales clerk if i need help. Yeah I need help, but not the kind you can give me, but thanks for asking, your forced interaction with me as a customer is enough.
I like to buy ideas.
I have no money, but I appreacite being able to accumulate material objects if they are on sale. If I do buy something its likely because I am buying an idea that I will later want to replicate (and end up never doing so.) I am very craft oriented and see a project in most things. Micheals is a death trap for me, I have a time limit set most of the time before I enter.
I can't stand large masses of people who are easily distracted.
Going into Costco is my own personal hell. The only time I enter such a facility is when I have a list. Who goes to costco to browse? It's a place of wholesale, so im suggesting you do not impulse buy anything unless you want three or more of them.
I am easily overwhelmed.
For most shopping is a relaxing way to spend the afternoon. For me, its a challenge. I often have to hold onto other people to walk and look at something at the same time. My multitasking abilities dissapear and I am swallowed in a sea of people and slowly become blind and deaf. Forms of communication become obsolete and I am left to die a slow painful retail death. (ok so its not that bad, but how else can i explain it? you're not in my head.)
I never get what I came for.
I go in to find a pair of pants and I come out with fake flowers and a dress. I get home and still have no pants. What part of that is a good time?
I am easily affected by my environment.
Going into superstore is intoxicating and sobering at the same time. I get a yellow infused migraine after 0.5 seconds. Flowers and Chocolates and fluffy shit line the aisle. I am suddenly overwhelmed with a product placement induced need for companionship and chocolate.
All that aside, i really need this ring. Totally out of context but thats how i roll.
Bleck
So I have been feeling pretty under the weather lately. Enough so to have to take the week off from work. I am hopeful to say that I am now on the mend, although im afraid that my invisibility may be wearing a little thin.When one is not feeling well, they do not concern themselves with how they look, simply because most of their focus is put towards feeling better on the inside. My comfort comes in the form of a pink, fluffy, frilly housecoat with my nickname on it. My grandma, mum and I made it, and when i put it on it makes me feel better.
So after spending the week at my parents house to repair the damages of my broken little heart (literally) I hop into the car with cat and dog in tow and head for home. Not thinking twice about the pink housecoat and polka dot pink pajamas that are encompassing my body.
As I sing along to the radio, cat and dog both looking out the window I notice a camera crew. A whole lot of them. As I sit and wait for my turn at the 4 way stop, I realize that I am in fact on camera. They are videotaping me in all my sickly glory. So much for being anonymously and invisibly sick. Hello World. I give you Lisa, at her best. Pink housecoat and all.
Please let me know if I appear on your television screen in the near future. I would like to see what they have to say about my fashion statement. Warning: If you suddenly see a bunch of women in their mid 20's rocking pink housecoats, do not be alarmed. Its just the next trend I have started by accident. Happens all the time, no big deal, no need to stare. Move along.
Study this image thoroughly as it is the newest attire to hit the streets of....Shawnigan Lake.