ba ba rainbow sheep have you any wool? no joseph I told you already, no technicolor coat supplies here.

The London Times reports that a school in the UK changed the words of the old Black Sheep nursery rhyme to "baa baa rainbow sheep" as part of an effort to improve equal opportunities for its students.

They must be completely insane. If rainbow sheep are considered the new Politically Correct, maybe that is why brokeback mountain didn't end up winning at the Oscars. You idiots, you didn't have any rainbow sheep. what the hell were you thinking? It would have gone with the theme quite well. I hope everyone here still on planet earth sees this as completely ridiculous. Comon people, the sheep are already embarassed enough as it is. You don't have to go and take all of their pride away and make them the new gay pride icon.

My version of the soon to be officially released PC version of this classic goes as follows:

- Baa Baa Afro-Carribean sheep have you any nylon?
Yes sir yes sir 3 boxes full.
One for the Local MP and One for the Woman of Equal Opportunites
And one for the Minor who lives down the lane. -

Whats next anyways? Three little pigs renamed three height challenged porkers?Snow White and the seven dwarfs changed to Snow White and the 7 height challenged miners?

And my favorite Mary Possessed a diminutive creature of genus ovis:

- Mary possessed a diminutive creature of genus ovis.
The filament epidermal covering of which reflected light of all wavelengths equally.

And in each set of coordinates in which Mary would happen to be found in the course of normal diurnal activites, the aforementioned ovine creature would certainly be colocated.

It accompanied her to the institution for the education of children during one diurnal cycle
which action was counter to acceptable decorum.
The juveniles in attendance became risible and commenced recreational activity because of the sight of such an ovine creature at the institution for the education of children. -

Maybe if they put in half as much effort into being politically correct as they do to being moral then maybe the world would be a better place. I saw the other day on Much Music the "WHO TO DO LIST: 20 sexiest girls". Like are you kidding me?? why don't you just call it "Attention children: you aren't considered pretty unless someone wants to have sex with you. If you do not want to sleep with any of the women pictured here today, you are either a. gay or b. have bad taste. " like so gross. Don't even get me started on this right now, I could go on forever.

Well I guess that is all for now on this random rant. Maybe i will rewrite it better later but im tired and really wanted to get it up tonight because I have been thinking about stupid nursery rhymes all day long so thought this would at least get it out of my system.

If no one is going to have that green or blue lamb chop, can I have it?????

driving around with good friends is totally distracting..and can cause you to "miss" the turn off to the street you actually happen to be driving on..

Ok. So I was driving around town with my good friend Michelle the other night (also my future roomate-to-be) and we had just finished watching an amazing dance show at UVIC called "Keep ya head up". It was awesome and it makes me feel like I have "candy in my heels tonight baby!" haha..ok anyways.

So we were driving around and somehow I kept getting lost. I kind of have this theory that if you drive in a straight line eventually you will get to where you want to be...in Edmonton this would work quite well...Victoria not so much. And Michelle is absolutely no help at all (sorry hun..its the truth) cuz she just sits there and laughs at me!! and then i laugh!! and then..we get lost and pull u-turns and drive on curbs and all these things I never do! you are such a bad influence. Anyways so we decided we both had headaches and the only cure was ice cream. So after our first attempt at a Mcdonalds drive thru she told us the ice cream machine was out of order. I know..horrific. So finally we found one..only like 5 min away cuz you know how close together they are these days. So we are in line and the girl working there thinks we are TOTALLY insane...and I notice something random hanging out of the back of the SUVS trunk in front of us...and you would not believe what it was.... A DIRTY DIAPER! I mean how totally random! how does that even happen!! IT was so gross. bleck. So by this point we were both basically histerical and i did some more "driving". As I tried to make my way back to Michelles place I was tryin to get back on to Quadra street and I was freaking out cuz i had no idea where we were and I couldnt figure out why Michelle wouldnt help me!!!! Turns out..we were already on Quadra street the whole time...yeah I'm THAT awesome. So I turned into a party pooper and went home to get my well deserved 8 hours of sleep (michelle calling me to beg me to come out when i was already half way home..good effort tho.) Anyways after you read this post you might think "what a waste of time" It was partly one of those you had to be there moments and partly its just that we are far to awesome for the likes of you so its not going to seem even a tiny bit funny. Anyways i have tennis elbow now (even though I haven't played tennis since like last summer..but I can feel it coming back. Im going to bed.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNDDDD BREAK!!!!

We interrupt this broadcast with an important public service announcement...

Ok, so I didn't write Part II of the Tofino Trip when I said I was going to. So sue me. Who knows when I will write the next part?? Looks like you are just going to have to keep checking back..Its a mystery! To bad its not tonight! HAHAHAAHA. gosh im hilarious. Ok, this is some delicious material though, almost as good as Part II of the Tofino extravaganza, (Thanks to my lovely friend Minn for her contribution and her internet surfing skillz.) Enjoy.

A list of pet peeves and other aggravating situations...:

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...
---> I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do you see me pointing at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the television remote because they refuse to walk to the television and change the channel manually.

When people say.."Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it to!"
---> Well of course I do! What good is a bloody cake if you can't eat it?

When people say "Its always the last place you look."
---> Of course it is you imbecile. Why the hell would you keep looking for something you have already found?

When people say while watching a film "Did you see that?"
---> No you idiot. I just pay $12.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the freakin floor.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"
---> Certainly giving me a choice on that one aren't ya sunshine?

When something is "New and Improved" Which is it?
---> If it is new, there has never been anything before it. If it is an improvement, then there must have been an even crappier version prior.

When people say "life is short."
---> What the hell? Life is the longest friggin thing anyone ever does!! What on earth can you do that is longer?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone walks up to you and asks "Has the bus come yet?"
---> Well clearly, if the bus had come already I wouldn't still be standing here.

If any of you fans out there ( oh yes..I know you are out there....aren't you..? anyone??) If you also have any clever material and ridiculous questions/situations such as these PLEASE for the love of ME send them!! I eat this stuff right up like sugar. Ok..maybe not STRAIGHT sugar, more like sugar coated donuts...no...donuts with sprinkles

The long awaited, slighty belated, extremely overrated, story of Tofino trip 2006 ----> PART I

Ok...I know I promised this waaaaaaaaaaaaaay earlier, but I thought if I made "ya'll" wait long enough, it would be that much better. Ok, thats a total lie. It's actually because I don't think any of you can handle all of the fun I have to talk about that we managed to stuff into one weekend. Ok..Lie #2...its really just because I have been slightly lazy and lacking on the motivation to write such an tale of EPIC porportions. But, none the less, here it goes. (oh yeah, and this story is going to be cut into three peices so I don't get carple tunnel, and for the safety and well being of the world. Or..the country..the province? ok..like 3 people that read this, but I can dream right?) ALRIGHT ALREADY. I can hear you yelling at me to get on with it, thats not very nice you know...WHAT?? TURN DOWN THE SUCK? ha. yeah right, i think im about to crank it up a couple hundered notches, brace yourself kiddies.

So the weekend started just like any other. Being 2 and a half hours behind schedule. Yup...just another normal day in the life of me. It could have been because we were out until approximaltey 3am the morning prior, spending a big night out in Victoria only to be followed by a start time of 7:30 am, but we will never really know. (4 hours of sleep is TOTALLY sufficient don't you think?)

Before I go any further there are 2 bens in this story. For simplicitys sake we will call Ben #1 Bengj and Ben # 2 Bmock..no offence boys, but its all I could think up.

Sooo, Bengj, Bmock, Minn, Alex and myself started out our journey to the wonderful land of Tofino. Alex had an awesome idea of stopping over in good ol' Coombs, which I like to call "the land of opportunity..and goats on the roof.". 80% of the car was feeling pretty hungover from the adventures of the night before, so we figured we could use a break and a bite to eat. Well...being the middle of winter here (I know, its easy for one to forget which season it is here on the island) almost every store in Coombs was closed. And we were all so totally let down by the goat-less grass-less roof of the promised land, that we decided to drag our butts into the only store open...in the whole town. It was a story of many fine 'a thing. It had beads..and incense...and a harmless, slightly creepy old man. I walked around the corner (and by corner i mean 2 steps away because this store was almost as small as my closet) I noticed a very interesting artifact lying on the ground. Yes, it was in fact, a raw wiener. A hot dog. lying there on the ground completely untouched and unscathed. Now does this seem a bit random to you? I'm just not sure if it is completly normal for people to "forget" and leave hot dogs lying around, but maybe I am the one out of the loop. So of course I asked Minn to remember what I told her about leaving her raw wieners lying around, we mustered up a few tiny painful laughs and headed out. The store owner did not seem to find my joke quite so humourous, as I am sure none of my friends did either but they are at least trained to laugh.

We countined on down the road and came upon the only restaurant open in town. ( I actually think it might be the ONLY restaurant in town....regardless of the season.) And it is so appropriatley named "Coombs Family Restaurant." perfect. So we headed in and all ordered the lunch special of the day "Grilled Cheese and Split Pea Soup." Sounds harmless. Alex being a vegitarian and Minn not in the mood for meat, proceeded to ask the waitress if there was any meat products in the soup. We were pleasently informed that it was a vegitarian/tomato base with vegtables. (now that I look back, this sounds nothing like split pea soup at all. sounds more like veggie soup...) Our drinks came around and I'm sure we were all a bit more excited then normal to be drinking something other then an alcoholic beverage, so we all downed them pretty fast. All of us, except for Alex. She was the lucky winner to recieve a huge clump of scotch tape in her iced tea. The waitress didn't even seem somewhat suprised about this find. I know, tasty right? You would think that would make us get up and leave, but we decided to endure.

After downing our drinks at light speed, it was time to use the washroom....except when you went to wash your hands, the handle was COMPLETELY broken off. The first thought that came to my mind was "DOES ANYONE IN HERE HAVE CLEAN HANDS? IM GOING TO GET H5N1." I spent about 5 minutes trying to get whatever water i could catch from the dribble of water leaking out of the side of the tap to sanitize my hands. Each person one by one returing from the washroom with the same petrified look on their face, but we endured.

Finally our food came. And you guessed it. The split pea soup had huge chunks of H-A-M in it. I Know NOW that thats basically what split pea soup is, but we aren't soup experts!! The waitress once again didn't seem suprised by her misinformation at all....and minn ended up eating her 1 tiny peice of garlic bread and alex her grilled cheese (the rest of us had pretty decent meals..so i guess we were lucky there) we left no tip and took off.

- stay tuned for part II of III airing tomorrow..March 07/2006 sometime after I get off work and get home from photography class...

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visit postsecret.com <------ absolutely brilliant. almost more so then myself. (is that even possible?)

They say the world would be a boring place if everyone was exactly the same. Yet when I think of how interesting and what a pleasure I am to be around, I can't help but realize that a world full of me's would be absolutely brilliant.

- anonymous