Random Acts of Lunatic-ness

Letter to a Long Weekend Lunatic #1

Dear lunatic trying to play games me with on my drive HOME from Coombs, nice try.

If you are going 70 kms/hr on a 100 km/hr highway someone is going to pass you. You don’t need to take it personally and try to teach them a lesson or piss them off by passing them and slamming your breaks on and once again maintain a speed of 70 kms. They don’t appreciate having to pass you going 120 only to have you pass them ONCE AGAIN at speed of 140. That is not safe. You didn’t teach me anything except for the fact you are a complete idiot. Why can’t you just let me drive in peace. Don’t cry to much that I smoked you out at every intersection we were stopped at, its not your fault you don’t know how to drive….actually, yes it is. If you ever do that to me again I will throw eggs at your shiny gutless SUV. You will be sorry.

Love Lisa

Letter to a Long Weekend Lunatic #2

If you are getting to that age where Alzheimer’s may be a problem, please refrain from driving. It is not only embarrassing and dangerous for you, but also frustrating and time consuming for the rest of us when you try to fuel your Hyundai accent up with marked fuel 6 times in a row on the opposite side of the pump as we have to keep getting out of our cars to rip the nozzle out of your hands and re-explain to you what you just did 2 seconds before. If you get back in your car and sit there a few minutes and try again, it doesn’t make a difference. It only pisses us off more.

P.S. I don’t know if you remember, but you drove off without getting any gas at all and you left your gas tank and cap open. Have a fabulous day. I sort of hope you didn’t run out of gas because I can see that imposing a whole new challenge.

Take care, Lisa

Letter to multiple Long Weekend Lunatics

Why didn’t you tell me one is not supposed to signal on long weekends? I drove around all day in Qulaicum/Parksville and Coombs and not a single person signalled while turning or changing lanes. The only person who DID signal didn’t end up turning at all, and I in turn I ended up cutting them off. After honking at me and fingering me profusely he finally turned his blinker off a good 7 kms later. Nice one buddy. I think next time a friendly reminder would suffice that signals are not required on long weekends, because a girl can get confused with all the changes.

Sincerely, Lisa

Letter to the person missing 8 loafs of bread

You left your bread of random brands and assortments scattered throughout the malahat drive. They might still be there if the birds didn’t get them all.

Yours truley, Lisa