Off the record - what i really want

Hello everyone. Brace yourself, this one is going to be a bit heavy.

I have decided to half apologize for the way that I act on some of my posts. Please understand that I do not mean most of what I say, and if I do its only a tiny little feeling inside me that forces its way out into a big overdramatic sarcastic and completely cynical rant. Some of you...if you know me or not, are getting the wrong impression because of the way I write. I talk the way I do in here because in the real world I could NEVER do or say these things in real life. I am to honest and to good natured of a person to even consider it. I have started to treat this site (mostly because I feel like no one reads it anyhow) that it is my own personal private journal that I can write and feel whatever I want wether I mean it or not...Apparantly that is not the case.

If you must know...heres the truth right out there on the table. I am not so happy these days, and I honestly could not tell you why. I have the best family a girl could ask for, a gorgeous rent free place to live (haha..for now until my parents cant put up with my messy chaotic ways any longer), awesome friends (you know who you are), so one could interpret my bad attitude into thinking I am acting like a spoiled brat. I am spoiled and I can be a brat a times, but it does not affect how I feel on the inside. At this point I really don't know what the key to my happiness is, and If I did I would change it in an instant.....but I just want you all to know that I am working on it.

In regards to my last post (just for the record) I do not actually feel hatred towards those of a skinnier wasteline. I merely feel frustrated the way a select few of the female population go to such great lengths to utilize this asset in any way that they can. And you know what, they should because they have probably worked harder then most of us know to get there. I feel even more frustrated that the majority of the male population will fall for it...more then once. And we all know that this whole thing can be taken vice versa as well. But you know what? the world keeps on turning. (well not for long with all the talk of the H5N1 virus that is soon to destroy 20% of the worlds population in a matter of days but that is another story all together...don't tell anyone but I am actually a tiny bit worried about it all).

So thats me for now In a nutshell. I am just a 21 year old single girl who has no idea what she is going to do next in life. And I guess that is the exciting part. I have the choice now to do whatever I want, and its up to me to change the things in my life that I am not satisfied with. So....I will keep you all posted on my progress. Have a good night. Love you all.

Lisa