for the people

Dear mean people of the planet,
I am so sorry you waste so much time and energy to be rude. It is with my DEEPEST sympathy that I write this letter. Unfortunately as you may or may not already know, you actually happen to be the brunt of every joke. So I guess this is a letter of thanks and praise just as much as it is a letter of sympathy. My heart goes out to you though. It must be terribly strenuous to be so utterly pessimistic and unruly all of the time. How on earth do you ever come up with so much pathetic material? Do you find that you often have to re-use some of your best, or is it all totally original? The dedication and persistence it takes to be you is truly mind boggling. Keep up the good work.

Yours truley,
the nicest person on the planet