Just a tip, when you put your money in you better be ready or you will get exhibit #1....as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth
So a while ago I took myself out on a date. And I had an amazing time. Went for dinner, did some window shopping, and to get really cliche I went in a photobooth then went to a musical. So fantastic. A kind man even offered to pay for my parking and I got two free things at my favorite store of all time (the patch.) Doesn't get much better then that. I have scanned my photobooth pictures as an example of what NOT to do in that tiny cubicle in your 10 seconds of fame..err frame. I didn't bother to fix the horrible exposure or the red glow shining from my skin but that is the beauty of these things. They are so totally awful that they are almost nice. ALMOST.
Just a tip, when you put your money in you better be ready or you will get exhibit #1.
Just a tip, when you put your money in you better be ready or you will get exhibit #1.
Accepting Change
My mediation for today was so bang on with where I am at in my life I must get sentimental (just for a moment) and share it with you.
The winds of change blow through our life, sometimes gently, sometimes like a tropical storm. Yes, we have resting places - time to adjust to another level of living, time to get our balance, time to enjoy the rewards. We have time to catch our breath.But change is inevitable, and desirable.Sometimes, when the winds of change begin to rustle, we're not certain the change is for the better. We may call it stress or a temporary condition, certain we'll be restored to normal. Sometimes, we resist. We tuck our head down and buck the wind, hoping that things will quickly calm down, get back to the way things were. Is it possible we're being prepared for a new "normal"?Change will sweep through our life, as needed, to take us where we're going. We can trust that our Higher Power has a plan in mind, even when we don't know where the changes are leading.We can trust that the change-taking place is good. The wind will take us where we need to go.
You are reading from the book:
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Speaking of change I have been through a lot lately. It is funny how I can write about such mundane things and go on and on forever about nothing, but I fail to ever mention anything of real significance going on in my life. For some reason, I never talk about the things in life that REALLY matter. I think it is slightly out of fear of showing who I really am. Not that the me writing in this blog is any different......
Anyways. For a quick life update I have done the following in the past 6 months:
- bought my first home - that which I furnished for under 500 dollars.
- adopted a kitten named Isabel. She controls the world just in case you were wondering.
- Visited my hometown for the first time in 4 years
- Got a motorbike (Honda VTR 250) and my full bike license
I have done the following things within the past year or more:
- went on a cruise to alaska
- started geocaching - 1 more to go until my 50th find!
- Got a promotion at (at the addiction recovery center in which I work)
- Auditioned for Canadian Idol, only made it past the first round
- Sold my first piece of art
As you can see, deep down I am a fairly simple person. I just have the ability to develop complex insight in normal situations. Thus resulting in having a morsel of interesting things to write about.
Today is my life day. I needed it to be able to take care of some real life complexity involving student loan and MSP mishaps. I should probably pay my overdue fees at the movie store if I ever want to rent a movie again. *yawn* no wonder I am on my blog procrastinating.
The winds of change blow through our life, sometimes gently, sometimes like a tropical storm. Yes, we have resting places - time to adjust to another level of living, time to get our balance, time to enjoy the rewards. We have time to catch our breath.But change is inevitable, and desirable.Sometimes, when the winds of change begin to rustle, we're not certain the change is for the better. We may call it stress or a temporary condition, certain we'll be restored to normal. Sometimes, we resist. We tuck our head down and buck the wind, hoping that things will quickly calm down, get back to the way things were. Is it possible we're being prepared for a new "normal"?Change will sweep through our life, as needed, to take us where we're going. We can trust that our Higher Power has a plan in mind, even when we don't know where the changes are leading.We can trust that the change-taking place is good. The wind will take us where we need to go.
You are reading from the book:
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Speaking of change I have been through a lot lately. It is funny how I can write about such mundane things and go on and on forever about nothing, but I fail to ever mention anything of real significance going on in my life. For some reason, I never talk about the things in life that REALLY matter. I think it is slightly out of fear of showing who I really am. Not that the me writing in this blog is any different......
Anyways. For a quick life update I have done the following in the past 6 months:
- bought my first home - that which I furnished for under 500 dollars.
- adopted a kitten named Isabel. She controls the world just in case you were wondering.
- Visited my hometown for the first time in 4 years
- Got a motorbike (Honda VTR 250) and my full bike license
I have done the following things within the past year or more:
- went on a cruise to alaska
- started geocaching - 1 more to go until my 50th find!
- Got a promotion at (at the addiction recovery center in which I work)
- Auditioned for Canadian Idol, only made it past the first round
- Sold my first piece of art
As you can see, deep down I am a fairly simple person. I just have the ability to develop complex insight in normal situations. Thus resulting in having a morsel of interesting things to write about.
Today is my life day. I needed it to be able to take care of some real life complexity involving student loan and MSP mishaps. I should probably pay my overdue fees at the movie store if I ever want to rent a movie again. *yawn* no wonder I am on my blog procrastinating.
Where is my mind and socks?
So the other night, I and some co-workers of mine were taken out by our boss for a rather fancy dinner. I was not pre-warned as to the fancy factor of this fine dining facility, so I expressed my concern as my co-worker and I (last to arrive of course) entered the restaurant. For some reason, I felt compelled to comment "I hope I am dressed well enough for this place, it looks pretty fancy." As she opens the door she reassures me that I look lovely. In the midst of my inability to graciously accept a compliment and leave it at that I add "But my socks don't match!"
You can guess what happens next.
She starts laughing hysterically. It's contagious and I start laughing. We both enter through the foyer to realize.....Our entire party is sitting in awe at us as we come around the corner....and along with them, the others in this TINY space of complete silence. The only thing we know to do....is laugh even more.
oopsies.
We had an amazing dinner, easy for me to say the best I have ever had. We had a great time with good company. As we leave we say our goodbyes and thank yous (for about the 5th time). My friend and I walking down the boardwalk to our cars as the others head up the hill to theirs I pull up my pants to reveal just how unmatched my socks were. And you thought the situation in the restaurant was bad. We practically had the entire town captured by our exuberant cackling. We couldn't move. Maybe when you see this picture you may see why:
When my life is busy and stressful - socks tend to be preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeety far down on the priority list. I haven't had a matched pair in about a week. I figure it is time to tackle the laundry and get back to the sock matching. Maybe the chaos of the rest of my life will subside along with it. My unmatched socks are definitely a reflection of how the rest of my life is going, so maybe if I put them together, everything else will follow? Wishful thinking? I'm hoping for a miracle. Not setting my hopes up to high or anything.
The Pixies say it best
With your feet in the air and
Your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it,
Your head will collapse
But theres nothing in it.
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?
overdue, and paying for it
So I got a phone call from the local moving renting facility kindly reminding me that I have late fees incurring on a movie I have rented. If the movie store can have a system efficient enough to have a previously recorded message call me to remind me of my running bill of late fees, why can't more significant organizations such as BC student loan services call to tell me important things like "we tried to take money out of your old account and forgot you no longer use it even though you told us a month ago and now you going to incur overage fees because we can withdraw money when it does not exist." The library is even organized enough to let me know via email or phone, whichever I prefer, that my books are GOING to be due soon, and also offer me the option to renew. How is that possible, they don't even get any money from me. I am skeptical.
My phone company can't even tell me that I am magically making calls from the United States when I am clearly well within the Canadian border. I don't even use my phone and they get over 50 dollars a month from me. I wonder what would happen if they started working non profit, maybe something would actually be right for once.
I wrote this thinking I would feel a little better after whining, but now i am even more perplexed then before.
My phone company can't even tell me that I am magically making calls from the United States when I am clearly well within the Canadian border. I don't even use my phone and they get over 50 dollars a month from me. I wonder what would happen if they started working non profit, maybe something would actually be right for once.
I wrote this thinking I would feel a little better after whining, but now i am even more perplexed then before.
Life Lessons
Little people are so fantastic. I overheard an argument going on between to little brothers the other day which ended in a sharp "I hate your stupid bum" remark as the youngest peeled out of the driveway on his tricycle. For a 3 year old, those are some pretty intense words. Whatever they were arguing about must have been rather heated and important. I secretly wish that I could end disagreements in comments such as this and get away with it. Just like how when I see a little boy run full boar into a glass window at the mall, I feel bad for the poor kid and the egg that will develop on his forehead in a few seconds, but I am also jealous. Jealous that the mistakes and choices I make in life have a far less instant and abrupt response. I bet he knows right away that running into the wall wasn't the best idea. Life would be so much easier if at the moment you make a decision you are likely to regret, a glass wall instantly rises letting you know it was the wrong one. But no. If this were to happen, we would mostly likely run right through it and be left to pick up the pieces in the aftermath. As adults we have to learn from our choices and mistakes. There is always underlying motives for our actions, like a secret code to decipher. How bloody infuriating. It is even more frustrating when I have learnt the same lessons time and time again. Its mad you know, to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
Oh to be 3 years old again.
p.s. I have already failed in my attempt to accept compliments. I didn't want to admit it right away, but it really was only one day into the challege. So, here we go again. Attempt #2 begins.
Oh to be 3 years old again.
p.s. I have already failed in my attempt to accept compliments. I didn't want to admit it right away, but it really was only one day into the challege. So, here we go again. Attempt #2 begins.
Thank You. That's it, just thank you
So at work I have been given an assignment....of sorts. I have been aware of this particular characteristic of mine for quite some time now. (some may call it a flaw...I call it word vomit). Anyways, my mission is to accept a compliment without any with and or butts to deter the conversation as to why I do not deserve such a compliment in the first place. Cue examples:
You: "Wow Lisa, I love your hair."
Me: " I haven't dyed it in over 6 months, I am not dying it again because I can't afford to anymore, see my roots they are hideous...etc."
You: " I love your shirt"
Me: " Oh this? I got it second hand at Value Village which I might add is not thrifty shopping, it's like second hand shopping for rich people...(insert a lengthy one sided conversation about the costly old navy jeans to follow here)"
You: " You made (insert some form of artistic/creative capability here)? It's amazing"
Me: "You won't believe how easy it was" or " I got this inspiration from here and here so I can't take the credit as it wasn't in its original form my idea...etc etc etc..."
By now you may start to understand what I am getting at. Compliment me directly and you are about to endure on a rather lengthy explanation about a. why I don't deserve the compliment or b. a complete explanation about how whatever it is you are trying to acknowledge came to be WITHOUT my help or direction.
It isn't as thought I don't truly believe I deserve (most) of the compliments I receive. This is why I am making a conscious effort to thank people and accept the compliment as just that, an acknowledgement of ME period.
If you wish to help me out on this endeavour feel free to leave a comment/compliment/acknowledgement or even criticism. Another thing that comes with the ability to graciously accept a compliment is to be able to do the same with criticism (in a constructive manner). I do ask that you keep the character bashing to a minimum but if you honestly have something you would like to say, please do. I figure if I have the opportunity to think about what I say before I say it on here, I may just be able to say thank you and leave it at that. Here goes nothing (or everything, depending on how you look at it?) oh god lisa just hit the publish button already....
You: "Wow Lisa, I love your hair."
Me: " I haven't dyed it in over 6 months, I am not dying it again because I can't afford to anymore, see my roots they are hideous...etc."
You: " I love your shirt"
Me: " Oh this? I got it second hand at Value Village which I might add is not thrifty shopping, it's like second hand shopping for rich people...(insert a lengthy one sided conversation about the costly old navy jeans to follow here)"
You: " You made (insert some form of artistic/creative capability here)? It's amazing"
Me: "You won't believe how easy it was" or " I got this inspiration from here and here so I can't take the credit as it wasn't in its original form my idea...etc etc etc..."
By now you may start to understand what I am getting at. Compliment me directly and you are about to endure on a rather lengthy explanation about a. why I don't deserve the compliment or b. a complete explanation about how whatever it is you are trying to acknowledge came to be WITHOUT my help or direction.
It isn't as thought I don't truly believe I deserve (most) of the compliments I receive. This is why I am making a conscious effort to thank people and accept the compliment as just that, an acknowledgement of ME period.
If you wish to help me out on this endeavour feel free to leave a comment/compliment/acknowledgement or even criticism. Another thing that comes with the ability to graciously accept a compliment is to be able to do the same with criticism (in a constructive manner). I do ask that you keep the character bashing to a minimum but if you honestly have something you would like to say, please do. I figure if I have the opportunity to think about what I say before I say it on here, I may just be able to say thank you and leave it at that. Here goes nothing (or everything, depending on how you look at it?) oh god lisa just hit the publish button already....
Absolute
My meditation for today...
Absolute Honesty: Both with ourselves and with others, in word, deed, and thought.
Absolute Unselfishness: To be willing, wherever possible, to help others who need our help.
Absolute Love: You shall love with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. And. . . you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Absolute Purity: Purity of mind, of body, and of purpose.
There is only 4 absolutes. Contrary to populary belief, Absolute Vodka is not the 5th included in this list. If it were, that would be completely ridiculous, so don't even think about it.
Absolute Honesty: Both with ourselves and with others, in word, deed, and thought.
Absolute Unselfishness: To be willing, wherever possible, to help others who need our help.
Absolute Love: You shall love with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. And. . . you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Absolute Purity: Purity of mind, of body, and of purpose.
There is only 4 absolutes. Contrary to populary belief, Absolute Vodka is not the 5th included in this list. If it were, that would be completely ridiculous, so don't even think about it.
In-fact-uation
So I was just thinking...
I wonder if people prefer the "idea" of me, over the actual flesh and bone version. Does anyone else ever wonder such things? Sometimes I find the idea of myself far more appealing then the me that I actually consist of and I would hate to be a dissapointment for someone whose "idea" of me is different then the real life version, but one question remains.
How am I any different? It's still the same me. Always has been always will be. Sometimes I tend to give people to much of myself, but I promise I'm not being anyone else but....me.
So what's the deal...exactly? Does any one have advice on how to be someone else? That would come in handy in certain situations, I seem to struggle with that piece.
I wonder if people prefer the "idea" of me, over the actual flesh and bone version. Does anyone else ever wonder such things? Sometimes I find the idea of myself far more appealing then the me that I actually consist of and I would hate to be a dissapointment for someone whose "idea" of me is different then the real life version, but one question remains.
How am I any different? It's still the same me. Always has been always will be. Sometimes I tend to give people to much of myself, but I promise I'm not being anyone else but....me.
So what's the deal...exactly? Does any one have advice on how to be someone else? That would come in handy in certain situations, I seem to struggle with that piece.
Realize
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other and will never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.
Take time to realize
I'm on your side didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.
It's not always the same
no it's never the same if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.
If you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized
missed out on each other now
missed out on each other now
Realize, realize
realize, realize...........
- lyrics by Colbie Caillat
DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP for the mind of a 17 year old.
As I was doing some "spring cleaning" aka procrastinating at my book shelf as I attempt to remove some to create space for the masses of others (unsuccessfully) I stumbled across a book of old poems and I found this little ditty:
BROKEN LOVE - (sounds intense)
You tell me you don't love me,
But how could this be true?
I don't think you understand
How much pain you've put me through.
You say that you're just changing,
Your feelings aren't as strong.
But how can you fall out of love with someone,
Who's never done you wrong?
Someone who still loves you,
So deep within their heart;
This heart that you have broken
And torn it right apart.
I know you'll never love me,
I cannot change the way you feel.
I can only remember the times
When I knew your love was real.
I must find the strength inside me,
Hidden so deep within.
To find out where you stop,
And where I must begin.
Now this was written after rather lengthy relationship - longest one to date in fact - But when I read this to myself, the first thought that comes to mind is "Wow, this must have been written by someone with poor writing ability who just got out of a hefty marriage." So it's quite funny to read it now and know that in the eyes of a 17 year old girl, this breakup was like the end of my world (as I knew it.)
To me it is a reminder of how much I have grown and accomplished over the years. The feelings exposed in this poem feel like lightyears away, but still so close to home. I often find my mind wandering back to this place of blissfulness and becoming caught up in that moment all over again - but then I am quickly drawn back to reality (or at least woken up by my alarm clock.)
Which reminds me. I have been having such absurd dreams lately. A lot of them I have all these materialistic things - Fancy house on the ocean, fancy car, jewelry that I don't wear. I am often throwing huge parties - for people whose faces I cannot really make out - only to find myself withdrawn and ignored, and not making any attempt whatsoever to socialize with ANYONE at my OWN party. A couple of times I eventually end up being attacked by a bear or alligator on my beach or roof ( I know...this is where it gets weird, I'll spare you the details) But even though there are hundreds of people around, no one comes to my aid. Could this be a sign that I am my own worst enemy? That I am the only one standing in my way of achieving what I want? When I wake up I always feel like I am subconciously reminding myself that it doesn't matter how much "stuff" I accumulate, I will never be happy until I am happy with ME. Ugh, I totally hate it when my dreams are right. Why can't it be all cupcakes and rainbows and clouds and flying and bliss instead of this hidden underlying meaning of life shit. I'm so over it.
And what's the deal with ALWAYS being chased by a bear (sometimes alligator) I'm tired of waking up to a heart beating a million miles a minute and having to remind myself that bears and animals cannot unlock doors and chase you into your house. So annoying.
BROKEN LOVE - (sounds intense)
You tell me you don't love me,
But how could this be true?
I don't think you understand
How much pain you've put me through.
You say that you're just changing,
Your feelings aren't as strong.
But how can you fall out of love with someone,
Who's never done you wrong?
Someone who still loves you,
So deep within their heart;
This heart that you have broken
And torn it right apart.
I know you'll never love me,
I cannot change the way you feel.
I can only remember the times
When I knew your love was real.
I must find the strength inside me,
Hidden so deep within.
To find out where you stop,
And where I must begin.
Now this was written after rather lengthy relationship - longest one to date in fact - But when I read this to myself, the first thought that comes to mind is "Wow, this must have been written by someone with poor writing ability who just got out of a hefty marriage." So it's quite funny to read it now and know that in the eyes of a 17 year old girl, this breakup was like the end of my world (as I knew it.)
To me it is a reminder of how much I have grown and accomplished over the years. The feelings exposed in this poem feel like lightyears away, but still so close to home. I often find my mind wandering back to this place of blissfulness and becoming caught up in that moment all over again - but then I am quickly drawn back to reality (or at least woken up by my alarm clock.)
Which reminds me. I have been having such absurd dreams lately. A lot of them I have all these materialistic things - Fancy house on the ocean, fancy car, jewelry that I don't wear. I am often throwing huge parties - for people whose faces I cannot really make out - only to find myself withdrawn and ignored, and not making any attempt whatsoever to socialize with ANYONE at my OWN party. A couple of times I eventually end up being attacked by a bear or alligator on my beach or roof ( I know...this is where it gets weird, I'll spare you the details) But even though there are hundreds of people around, no one comes to my aid. Could this be a sign that I am my own worst enemy? That I am the only one standing in my way of achieving what I want? When I wake up I always feel like I am subconciously reminding myself that it doesn't matter how much "stuff" I accumulate, I will never be happy until I am happy with ME. Ugh, I totally hate it when my dreams are right. Why can't it be all cupcakes and rainbows and clouds and flying and bliss instead of this hidden underlying meaning of life shit. I'm so over it.
And what's the deal with ALWAYS being chased by a bear (sometimes alligator) I'm tired of waking up to a heart beating a million miles a minute and having to remind myself that bears and animals cannot unlock doors and chase you into your house. So annoying.
In a funk...d
So I am sort of in a funky mixed up state of mind at this particular moment(s) in time. You see, sometimes I am bit creepy and look at other peoples photographs on facebook. Well lets call it borderline creepy, bcuz I know that is SORT OF what they are there for.
(Wow, I just realized I dropped the F Bomb... oopsies. I swore I would never do that.)
But when I look at said person(s) photos, I think to myself, my goodness it certainly looks like they are having a fantastic time wherever they are doing whatever it is they may be doing. And then I start crying, balling actually. But why? I mean, I have a great time doing the things I do where I end up doing them, but through my own eyes, it does not appear the same. If you were to take a picture of me doing something I may consider a good time, It would usually involve my dog, a GPS that doesn't function quite as it should, possibly a friend, and 99.9% of the time, I would not be in it. So maybe that is the problem? Is it that I don't get the opportunity to show everyone what an absolute blast I am having because I am behind the lens, or is it the fact that I spend a lot of my time off doing adult things that are considered a neccesity and not so much a fantastic out of this world experience? Or maybe it is the fact that quite a few of the pictures I have seen that I feel envious of are taken during a "night out on the town" a pracitce that is extremely rare to someone like myself who usually only goes to the bar once a year, on my birthday, which often results in myself going to bed an anticlimatic half hour before midnight.
Or maybe it is something deeper?
Most of the time I feel as though I am getting quite a bit out of life, ya know, lots of bang for my buck so to speak...but I am also often overwhelemed at how quickly time passes, and how many opportunities go unoticed as I rush through the routine of my so called life. There are so many endless possibilites I want to explore, but my body only allows me to be awake for a certain amount of time at a time before I start hallucinating. (which for some people, is a whole other level of fun, but I prefer to be at least somewhat in control of what I am seeing and doing at any given moment.)
I fear as though one day I am going to wake up, 80 years old and go WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?
(Wow, I just realized I dropped the F Bomb... oopsies. I swore I would never do that.)
But when I look at said person(s) photos, I think to myself, my goodness it certainly looks like they are having a fantastic time wherever they are doing whatever it is they may be doing. And then I start crying, balling actually. But why? I mean, I have a great time doing the things I do where I end up doing them, but through my own eyes, it does not appear the same. If you were to take a picture of me doing something I may consider a good time, It would usually involve my dog, a GPS that doesn't function quite as it should, possibly a friend, and 99.9% of the time, I would not be in it. So maybe that is the problem? Is it that I don't get the opportunity to show everyone what an absolute blast I am having because I am behind the lens, or is it the fact that I spend a lot of my time off doing adult things that are considered a neccesity and not so much a fantastic out of this world experience? Or maybe it is the fact that quite a few of the pictures I have seen that I feel envious of are taken during a "night out on the town" a pracitce that is extremely rare to someone like myself who usually only goes to the bar once a year, on my birthday, which often results in myself going to bed an anticlimatic half hour before midnight.
Or maybe it is something deeper?
Most of the time I feel as though I am getting quite a bit out of life, ya know, lots of bang for my buck so to speak...but I am also often overwhelemed at how quickly time passes, and how many opportunities go unoticed as I rush through the routine of my so called life. There are so many endless possibilites I want to explore, but my body only allows me to be awake for a certain amount of time at a time before I start hallucinating. (which for some people, is a whole other level of fun, but I prefer to be at least somewhat in control of what I am seeing and doing at any given moment.)
I fear as though one day I am going to wake up, 80 years old and go WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?
Fat. Naked. Dangerous
No I am not talking about me...i'm talking about cupid. He who brings along the romantic for some, dreadful for most, unimagineative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day. Cupid just like any other man....or little person with wings, was selfish. He wanted the attention of a beautiful woman so much, it eventually to her demise (with the help of her jealous mother-in-law of course.) Classic love story right there.
Another good one, is the story of St.Valentine himself. Nothing says love like murdering a priest who performed secret marrige ceremonies for soldiers. (They had to be secret because marrige was seen as a "distraction" for soldiers at war and took their mind off fighting.....GOD FORBID THAT TO EVER HAPPEN.)
Another good one, is the story of St.Valentine himself. Nothing says love like murdering a priest who performed secret marrige ceremonies for soldiers. (They had to be secret because marrige was seen as a "distraction" for soldiers at war and took their mind off fighting.....GOD FORBID THAT TO EVER HAPPEN.)
Now, I don't have anything against valentines day. It is a chance for people in relationships to redeem themselves for the lack of love they (don't) display every other day of the year. But let me tell ya, I have been single for coming up on 5 years now and I honestly see no point in this holiday what so ever. I don't even get paid stat holiday pay for having to put up with all the sappy shit that goes on throughout the day. Don't get me wrong though, I am not bitter. I think it is important for people to rekindle their love for eachother and really show how much your better half means to you. But I have honestly just never been a fan. I love my family and I tell them that every day of my life, I do not need some almost meaningless holiday to do so.I say all of this like I could care less if prince charming (or even just a below average joe ) got me a dozen roses or chocolate covered strawberries; but I am sure if this rare occasion were to actually happen to me, I may just have to graciously accept. Nothing says I love you like dead vegitation and fat-saturated sugar products.
I guess we will never know.
Just remember, one day in February isn't special, but YOU are. HA. right :P
post script
is that what p.s. even stands for? i should really look into that.
it's obvious that I haven't written in my blog in decades. ok..maybe not since my birthday but whos counting, obviously i'm not because i'm no good at it.
I have been reading over some of the "dusty favorites" for inspiration and i really must say that I am extremely brilliant at making something out of nothing. It is amazing how absolutely nothing about my life is even remotely interesting, but I still manage to come up with some type of word vomit to take up a tiny portion of the giant intergalacitic space of web. K...that doesn't make sense but I had to try to make myself at least seem cool. I'm not fooling anyone though obviously, not even myself and usually thats pretty damn easy to do.
I have no idea where this post is going and it has taken me much longer to write then it should have as my chihuahua lulu demands to sit in between me and the laptop on my lap which doesn't make for a very comforatble situation but I love her to much to put her anywhere else. Shes got me sucked right into her little puppy scheme and its totally working.
i love everyone.
love lisa the average boring human being
it's obvious that I haven't written in my blog in decades. ok..maybe not since my birthday but whos counting, obviously i'm not because i'm no good at it.
I have been reading over some of the "dusty favorites" for inspiration and i really must say that I am extremely brilliant at making something out of nothing. It is amazing how absolutely nothing about my life is even remotely interesting, but I still manage to come up with some type of word vomit to take up a tiny portion of the giant intergalacitic space of web. K...that doesn't make sense but I had to try to make myself at least seem cool. I'm not fooling anyone though obviously, not even myself and usually thats pretty damn easy to do.
I have no idea where this post is going and it has taken me much longer to write then it should have as my chihuahua lulu demands to sit in between me and the laptop on my lap which doesn't make for a very comforatble situation but I love her to much to put her anywhere else. Shes got me sucked right into her little puppy scheme and its totally working.
i love everyone.
love lisa the average boring human being
bahumbug
is feeling crapulent as a result of the dissapearance of her all time favorite blog post. The crapulence could also be caused by lack of sleep and eating another piece of deli meat on the day of expiration date which is of course against her religion..of sorts.
See post titled "best before" for clarification (or even more ridiculous ramblings) on expiration date......s
See post titled "Crapulent" for a more detailed definition of this particular..............feeling?
zzZzZzzZZzzzZZ......awkward.
See post titled "best before" for clarification (or even more ridiculous ramblings) on expiration date......s
See post titled "Crapulent" for a more detailed definition of this particular..............feeling?
zzZzZzzZZzzzZZ......awkward.
Am I that old?
So I turned 23 on the 15th of this month. I don't feel 23, but I am constantly reminded by the amount of babies and marriages practically flooding my friends list these days. Don't get me wrong, they are beautiful babies and weddings, but are we all really at that point in our lives? One part of me fears I will never get to that stage in my life, but another is grateful that I have my entire life ahead of me to experience it. I guess my plan to adopt kind of helps me out in that i don't actually need a husband to start my own family. But I am FAR from ready to even think about adopting, financially and emotionally. But I have my little chi lulu and a pending "big brothers big sisters" application to help fill the void. :) I am much happier these days though. I couldn't tell you exactly why, only that I am finding myself appreciating the little things and taking time out for myself, and not letting anything hold me back from doing what I want to do. Like going to SEATTLE!!
My mom and I took a trip down to Seattle in celebration of my birthday. It was originally planned that my best friend would be joining me for a week, but she hurt herself pretty badly and couldn't make it out. Rather than wallow in my own self pity (don't get me wrong, I was upset but mostly for her having to experience pain) I decided to do most of the things we had planned anyways.
Seattle was a blast. We made every moment count, although a lot of the action happened right at the Canadian/American border. We witnessed some rather disrespectful and impatient behavior by those with Washington state plates. There is something at the border called the "nexus lane" for special people who don't have to wait and can bypass the lineups. God knows how you get into that elite group. But some people abuse the system. Like the group of girls who "pretended" they had no idea they were in this EXTREMELY well marked lane until OOPS they were at the gates. I guess because they were cute someone let them in line, but one other vehicle was not so fortunate. The massive truck behind him who obviously knows that NEXUS means no waiting, was so frustrated at the couple trying to merge into the regular lane that he drove up on the curb and the lawn to get past!!!! We were lucky that the car of girls made it through because we definitely got to hear some interesting stories as they tried to talk to each other over their music. Ladies, we now all know what bra sizes you are, what you think of each others boobs and who would give anything for a boob job. Quite entertaining, thank you.
We stayed at a pretty swanky hotel just outside of Seattle and definitely got a good deal compared to what we would have payed for something in the downtown core. We were also fortunate enough to utilize the free shuttle service it offered.
My mom and I took a trip down to Seattle in celebration of my birthday. It was originally planned that my best friend would be joining me for a week, but she hurt herself pretty badly and couldn't make it out. Rather than wallow in my own self pity (don't get me wrong, I was upset but mostly for her having to experience pain) I decided to do most of the things we had planned anyways.
Seattle was a blast. We made every moment count, although a lot of the action happened right at the Canadian/American border. We witnessed some rather disrespectful and impatient behavior by those with Washington state plates. There is something at the border called the "nexus lane" for special people who don't have to wait and can bypass the lineups. God knows how you get into that elite group. But some people abuse the system. Like the group of girls who "pretended" they had no idea they were in this EXTREMELY well marked lane until OOPS they were at the gates. I guess because they were cute someone let them in line, but one other vehicle was not so fortunate. The massive truck behind him who obviously knows that NEXUS means no waiting, was so frustrated at the couple trying to merge into the regular lane that he drove up on the curb and the lawn to get past!!!! We were lucky that the car of girls made it through because we definitely got to hear some interesting stories as they tried to talk to each other over their music. Ladies, we now all know what bra sizes you are, what you think of each others boobs and who would give anything for a boob job. Quite entertaining, thank you.
We stayed at a pretty swanky hotel just outside of Seattle and definitely got a good deal compared to what we would have payed for something in the downtown core. We were also fortunate enough to utilize the free shuttle service it offered.
Something we learnt very quickly, but unfortunately a bit to late, was that no one in Seattle really knows where they are going, and all of the people you come in contact with in the service industry DO NOT speak English. So a good idea would be to NOT ask for directions, or really any questions for that matter. Although some of the people we did ask questions to were so cute when they answered yes to a non yes or no question. It really was surprising though to experience such a huge language barrier just crossing the border. Do all the white people think they are to high and mighty to have a respectable position as a bus driver or guest service agent? The streets definitely have something to be desired, and often reek of urine. The city of Victoria would be in uproar and riots would break out constantly if we ever let our city get to that state. But it all builds character, I mean its not called "Sin City" for no reason.
Also to the fellow in the convenience store across the street from our hotel, just because we are from Canada doesn't mean we are stupid. We know how to count change so save yourself the trouble and refrain from attempting to short change us ever again. Even if it is only 6 cents.
When times were rough (like getting lost for 12 blocks on skid row in the pouring rain...literally..) and moments of "I'm not doing this anymore" arose (like when a very sketchy person whose sex still remains in question was following me) my mom was there to pull me through (as was the glass of stoli I insisted was non alcoholic that I managed to chug down in about 10 seconds flat.)
We went to the Experience Music Project and let me tell you "experience" is an understatement. We sang in a vocal booth who converted our voices to a very sultry males voice simultaneously (boy was that weird/cool). We also created our very own rock band with the original title of Lisabelle and...mum. Lisabelle being the lead singer and mum being the amazing drummer to back me up. It is kind of one of those you had to be there moments but it was AWESOME.
With my amazing itinerary and travel planning skills we also managed to squeeze in the space needle, downtown shopping, an underground tour, and some more shopping at the mall across from our hotel. I couldn't have spent my birthday with a better person or had a better time. THANKS MOM!!! Here are some more pictures from our trip compliments a la mum of the underground tour (seriously, right under the sidewalks you can hear people walking overhead.), of the best cupcakes we have ever had (accompanied by the cutest girl who has no idea where BC or Canada is), a cute park in the middle of downtown, and myself at the space needle.
Oh say can you......see?
A couple of weeks ago, my mother and her good friend dragged me to the Memorial Center (stadium in Victoria) straight after finishing a graveyard shift (for which I had been awake 20 hours) to audition for the chance to sing the national anthems at the Salmon Kings Hockey games. Unaware of the giant mass of dog hair all over my fleece vest, I stumbled into give it a go. I didn't practice much on the way down, partially because I didn't even realize I was about to audition until 10 minutes prior, but mostly because I know the national anthems like the back of my hand.....right?
After hearing my moms friend Yvette's renditions, which were amazing it was my turn. "It's almost over" Forcing a smile as I approached the judges table completely disheveled and glossy eyed. After a quick introduction (aka nervous giggling at jokes I didn't really understand) I began to sing, only to....stop..... a few words later. I drew a blank.
That's right ladies and gentlemen. Lisa the human jukebox whose memory bank is forever doomed to be uselessly filled with song lyrics, FORGOT THE WORDS TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEM!!! I mean even though it was the American Anthem, it was still just as humiliating. I must say, those judges have no idea what they had just witnessed. The first time not only in my somewhat non existent singing career, but in my ENTIRE LIFE I had ever forgotten the lyrics to anything. The girl who remembers every word of the swiffer sweeper commercial from like 1995, and baby got back by sir mix alot, couldn't come up with a line from a song she'd supposedly been singing her whole life. oh my word.
Not only did I forget the next line, but I waited a good solid 20 seconds to come up with "...what is the next line???" I mean, WHO ASKS THE JUDGES WHAT THE NEXT LINE IS TO THE SONG YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SINGING? To make matters even worse, I don't think they had really been listening, because after an extremely awkward silence, she replied with the wrong lyrics. I was so thrown off. My "almost over" moment had turned into more of a never ending century.
I did my best to finish it off and PEACED OUT. Lol. Needless to say, I'm certain I won't be getting a call back any time soon, but hey at least I did it, or I wouldn't have this to write about right? And I mean it is one for the books, maybe even the Guinness Book of World Records, because this is definitely worthy.
After hearing my moms friend Yvette's renditions, which were amazing it was my turn. "It's almost over" Forcing a smile as I approached the judges table completely disheveled and glossy eyed. After a quick introduction (aka nervous giggling at jokes I didn't really understand) I began to sing, only to....stop..... a few words later. I drew a blank.
That's right ladies and gentlemen. Lisa the human jukebox whose memory bank is forever doomed to be uselessly filled with song lyrics, FORGOT THE WORDS TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEM!!! I mean even though it was the American Anthem, it was still just as humiliating. I must say, those judges have no idea what they had just witnessed. The first time not only in my somewhat non existent singing career, but in my ENTIRE LIFE I had ever forgotten the lyrics to anything. The girl who remembers every word of the swiffer sweeper commercial from like 1995, and baby got back by sir mix alot, couldn't come up with a line from a song she'd supposedly been singing her whole life. oh my word.
Not only did I forget the next line, but I waited a good solid 20 seconds to come up with "...what is the next line???" I mean, WHO ASKS THE JUDGES WHAT THE NEXT LINE IS TO THE SONG YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SINGING? To make matters even worse, I don't think they had really been listening, because after an extremely awkward silence, she replied with the wrong lyrics. I was so thrown off. My "almost over" moment had turned into more of a never ending century.
I did my best to finish it off and PEACED OUT. Lol. Needless to say, I'm certain I won't be getting a call back any time soon, but hey at least I did it, or I wouldn't have this to write about right? And I mean it is one for the books, maybe even the Guinness Book of World Records, because this is definitely worthy.
Answer
Since no one bothered to even attempt to answer my oh so clever question in the previous post, i'll just give you what you want without working for it. Because utimately, that's how life should be right?
So here it is, on a silver platter and everything.
Answer: Ask one robot what the other would say if it was asked which door was safe. Then go through the other door.
Don't even try to tell me this doesn't work, or come up with some clever suggestion like "why doesn't he just go back to where he came from originally?" Because I have overanalyzed this little puzzle to the maximum and believe you me, I have RULED OUT every other possibility. THIS DOES WORK. Do not second guess me.
So here it is, on a silver platter and everything.
Answer: Ask one robot what the other would say if it was asked which door was safe. Then go through the other door.
Don't even try to tell me this doesn't work, or come up with some clever suggestion like "why doesn't he just go back to where he came from originally?" Because I have overanalyzed this little puzzle to the maximum and believe you me, I have RULED OUT every other possibility. THIS DOES WORK. Do not second guess me.
THE DOUBLE JEOPARDY DOORS
You are trapped in a room with two doors. One leads to certain death and the other leads to freedom. You don't know which is which.
There are two robots guarding the doors. They will let you choose one door but upon doing so you must go through it.
You can, however, ask one robot one question. The problem is one robot always tells the truth ,the other always lies and you don't know which is which.
What is the question you ask?
There are two robots guarding the doors. They will let you choose one door but upon doing so you must go through it.
You can, however, ask one robot one question. The problem is one robot always tells the truth ,the other always lies and you don't know which is which.
What is the question you ask?
uhoh
i think someone lougied in my tim hortons coffee.....
thats basically all i have to say about that. i think ill go throw up now
thats basically all i have to say about that. i think ill go throw up now
Goodbye Andy
So I have become rather fond of this particular spot in Victoria to take pictures. It's just a regular old shabby parking lot, but with a twist. There is the most incredible graffiti and artwork on the walls on the surrounding buildings it takes my breath away.
The other day I decided to go take some more pictures in the morning as the sun would not be as sharp, and to my suprise my beloved Andy Warhol painting had been tagged over. Now I understand this doesn't break any "tagging" rules, but my heart still breaks a little. What exsists in its place is by no means subordinate, but I will miss my old friend.
So in tribute to him, and whoever his inspiring artist may be, here are my best pictures of this incredible icon.
SCHOOL 1977 vs. SCHOOL 2007
Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1977 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock-down, the RCMP are called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1977 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.
1977 - Jeffrey is sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra provincial funding because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario: Bill breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1977 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State pschycologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school.
1977 - Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1977 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes on to College.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Canadian Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against provincial school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Canada Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.
1977 - Ants die.
2007 - Canadian Firearms Center and the RCMP are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. CSIS investigates parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying and gives him a hug to comfort him.
1977 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of intensive therapy.
- content compliments of anonymous sender
1977 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock-down, the RCMP are called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1977 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.
1977 - Jeffrey is sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra provincial funding because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario: Bill breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1977 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State pschycologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school.
1977 - Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1977 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes on to College.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Canadian Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against provincial school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Canada Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.
1977 - Ants die.
2007 - Canadian Firearms Center and the RCMP are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. CSIS investigates parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying and gives him a hug to comfort him.
1977 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of intensive therapy.
- content compliments of anonymous sender
DRIVERS BEWARE!
Watch out all you environmentally friendly vehicledrivers. The proposed “green license plates” to appear on your energy efficient methods of transportation by Spring 2008 may provide you with more grief (and humiliation) than good. The green plates which promise benefits such as free parking and use of carpool lanes may not have the same affect when you cross the US Border. As it was release previously in the media about a month ago (Ok so I am a little behind the times) the United States Government has proposed a little “green scheme” of its own. But it is no means an environmental pat on the back for the average granola cruncher, but rather a way for U.S. Residents to single out their convicted sex offenders.
What an incredible idea. The easiest color on the eye, globally known to signify “GO” plastered on the vehicle of your friendly neighbourhood pedophile. The color of nature, symbolizing growth, harmony and freshness. The color known to have incredible healing power, often used in hospitals and waiting rooms formally know as “green rooms” because of its ability to put people at ease.
I can just see the reaction now. “Awww, look honey, a pedophile.” I mean common. If you really wanted to get someone’s attention for something of this nature, wouldn’t you want to use, oh I don’t know…RED??? Don’t you want to say something like “STOP I AM A SEX OFFENDER DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT 200?” Wouldn’t you prefer to catch someone’s attention and “Alert” them, rather then everyone just sort of passively noticing and all of a sudden feeling strangely overcome with relaxation and serenity? I think this is kind of an oxymoron in a sense.
Not to mention the fact that now Canada will be forced to rethink their actually fairly good idea of encouraging people to go green.
I have an idea. Make the sex offenders just paint their entire cars pink. And write “sex offender” across the hood. That should do it, and won’t cause any confusion. Or better yet, just make them take the bus where they will be surrounded with a bunch of little children as they no longer wish to risk driving altogether. Less people on the road, and more cases of offences by sexual predators.
(please notice the minor hint of sarcasm, as I risk being seriously misunderstood if last statement was thought to be of true intention.)
What an incredible idea. The easiest color on the eye, globally known to signify “GO” plastered on the vehicle of your friendly neighbourhood pedophile. The color of nature, symbolizing growth, harmony and freshness. The color known to have incredible healing power, often used in hospitals and waiting rooms formally know as “green rooms” because of its ability to put people at ease.
I can just see the reaction now. “Awww, look honey, a pedophile.” I mean common. If you really wanted to get someone’s attention for something of this nature, wouldn’t you want to use, oh I don’t know…RED??? Don’t you want to say something like “STOP I AM A SEX OFFENDER DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT 200?” Wouldn’t you prefer to catch someone’s attention and “Alert” them, rather then everyone just sort of passively noticing and all of a sudden feeling strangely overcome with relaxation and serenity? I think this is kind of an oxymoron in a sense.
Not to mention the fact that now Canada will be forced to rethink their actually fairly good idea of encouraging people to go green.
I have an idea. Make the sex offenders just paint their entire cars pink. And write “sex offender” across the hood. That should do it, and won’t cause any confusion. Or better yet, just make them take the bus where they will be surrounded with a bunch of little children as they no longer wish to risk driving altogether. Less people on the road, and more cases of offences by sexual predators.
(please notice the minor hint of sarcasm, as I risk being seriously misunderstood if last statement was thought to be of true intention.)
Lulu - New addition to the family!
So some of you may already know, but since i am madly in love i am going to announce yet again. I am the proud new mom of a 1.5 year old chihuahua named Lulu. She weighs 6 lbs and is full grown. It was absolutely love at first sight! I got her from the pound in Nanaimo (she was taken there along with her brother), and she is definately quite the little princess. She is still a little aprehensive of men and takes quite a while to warm up to them. (We are still working on having her and steve in the same room without her running away.) But she is definatley mommys little girl because her tail is going a million miles an hour every time she sees me. She doesn't miss a single opportunity to sit on my lap! Our biggest concern when bringing her home was how Penny would react. Penny's ability to get along with her was definatley the deciding factor if she was going to be a permanent member of our family. And it is a success!! Penny has hardly barked at all since Lulu arrived and is extremely gentle and calm when in her presence. For those of you who have encountered Penny, you would know that this is definatley not normal behavior for her at all. Lulu is house trained and the vet claims her to be a very healthy young lady! Only downside is she is in heat at the moment, so is quite moody at times. We are excited to see what kind of dog she will be once she is through this phase.I am hoping that once she is better habituated at home and used to meeting new people I will be able to take her to work for company on the graveyard shift!! If you are ever in the area please stop by and say hello to Lulu!!
For more picture of Lulu please visit:
Lulu -> http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=47101&l=c3d93&id=729915124
Or sign up for facebook and add me to see more favorite photos!
Random Acts of Lunatic-ness Pt. II
Dear mindless, bored, over observant lunatic
If I am going 40 kms/hr and that is the posted speed limit, do not motion for me to “slow down” with your hands and shake your head as I pass. I kind of like going the speed limit, (I mean if that is ok with you of course.) I think I am entitled to go the suggested speed if I so desire after a 9 hour graveyard shift at an addiction recovery center. You’re lucky I am not cruzin out of there as fast as I can, so you are welcome for that. Just because my car can go from 0 - 60 in one millisecond (ok maybe I am exaggerating) it doesn’t mean I need to use it, I only do so when in the appropriate situation. See “Long Weekend Lunatics” for clarification on when this type of driving is acceptable.
Just wanted to say thank you for doing such a fabulous job of controlling ALL the traffic that drives down your DEAD END road at 9 in the morning. I can imagine the chaoticness and excessive amount of cars passing your street containing a virtually endless forest, a farm, three houses, and a treatment center. Your efforts do not go unnoticed. (But they are however, completely disregarded.) Oh and by the way, your house is right next to a stop sign, we are virtually stopped when you tell us to slow down, are you confused? Keep up the good work.
Dear dangerous, disrespectful, uncaring, under observant lunatic
Thanks for driving 80 kms/hr around a corner in your AMAZING monster truck IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. I apologize because it seems as though I forgot to read the part of the road rules that states you don’t HAVE TO FOLLOW THE RULES. Its no problem at all that you drove me off the road, I had to learn the lesson somehow right? I mean, they are just yellow lines on a road right? No point in staying on your side for the sake of saving half a millisecond of time and someone’s life. I mean if absolutely necessary you could always just drive right over the top of the oncoming traffic and come out unscathed, no biggie. Thanks for giving me a new appreciation for my own life as it FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES this morning.
Dear universe,
I GET IT! I have to be more aware of my surroundings. Thanks for the MULTIPLE reminders. I notice, I see it, so you can stop with the signs now. Turn everyone back into normal drivers, point WELL taken.
Random Acts of Lunatic-ness
Letter to a Long Weekend Lunatic #1
Dear lunatic trying to play games me with on my drive HOME from Coombs, nice try.
If you are going 70 kms/hr on a 100 km/hr highway someone is going to pass you. You don’t need to take it personally and try to teach them a lesson or piss them off by passing them and slamming your breaks on and once again maintain a speed of 70 kms. They don’t appreciate having to pass you going 120 only to have you pass them ONCE AGAIN at speed of 140. That is not safe. You didn’t teach me anything except for the fact you are a complete idiot. Why can’t you just let me drive in peace. Don’t cry to much that I smoked you out at every intersection we were stopped at, its not your fault you don’t know how to drive….actually, yes it is. If you ever do that to me again I will throw eggs at your shiny gutless SUV. You will be sorry.
Love Lisa
Letter to a Long Weekend Lunatic #2
If you are getting to that age where Alzheimer’s may be a problem, please refrain from driving. It is not only embarrassing and dangerous for you, but also frustrating and time consuming for the rest of us when you try to fuel your Hyundai accent up with marked fuel 6 times in a row on the opposite side of the pump as we have to keep getting out of our cars to rip the nozzle out of your hands and re-explain to you what you just did 2 seconds before. If you get back in your car and sit there a few minutes and try again, it doesn’t make a difference. It only pisses us off more.
P.S. I don’t know if you remember, but you drove off without getting any gas at all and you left your gas tank and cap open. Have a fabulous day. I sort of hope you didn’t run out of gas because I can see that imposing a whole new challenge.
Take care, Lisa
Letter to multiple Long Weekend Lunatics
Why didn’t you tell me one is not supposed to signal on long weekends? I drove around all day in Qulaicum/Parksville and Coombs and not a single person signalled while turning or changing lanes. The only person who DID signal didn’t end up turning at all, and I in turn I ended up cutting them off. After honking at me and fingering me profusely he finally turned his blinker off a good 7 kms later. Nice one buddy. I think next time a friendly reminder would suffice that signals are not required on long weekends, because a girl can get confused with all the changes.
Sincerely, Lisa
Letter to the person missing 8 loafs of bread
You left your bread of random brands and assortments scattered throughout the malahat drive. They might still be there if the birds didn’t get them all.
Yours truley, Lisa
Dear lunatic trying to play games me with on my drive HOME from Coombs, nice try.
If you are going 70 kms/hr on a 100 km/hr highway someone is going to pass you. You don’t need to take it personally and try to teach them a lesson or piss them off by passing them and slamming your breaks on and once again maintain a speed of 70 kms. They don’t appreciate having to pass you going 120 only to have you pass them ONCE AGAIN at speed of 140. That is not safe. You didn’t teach me anything except for the fact you are a complete idiot. Why can’t you just let me drive in peace. Don’t cry to much that I smoked you out at every intersection we were stopped at, its not your fault you don’t know how to drive….actually, yes it is. If you ever do that to me again I will throw eggs at your shiny gutless SUV. You will be sorry.
Love Lisa
Letter to a Long Weekend Lunatic #2
If you are getting to that age where Alzheimer’s may be a problem, please refrain from driving. It is not only embarrassing and dangerous for you, but also frustrating and time consuming for the rest of us when you try to fuel your Hyundai accent up with marked fuel 6 times in a row on the opposite side of the pump as we have to keep getting out of our cars to rip the nozzle out of your hands and re-explain to you what you just did 2 seconds before. If you get back in your car and sit there a few minutes and try again, it doesn’t make a difference. It only pisses us off more.
P.S. I don’t know if you remember, but you drove off without getting any gas at all and you left your gas tank and cap open. Have a fabulous day. I sort of hope you didn’t run out of gas because I can see that imposing a whole new challenge.
Take care, Lisa
Letter to multiple Long Weekend Lunatics
Why didn’t you tell me one is not supposed to signal on long weekends? I drove around all day in Qulaicum/Parksville and Coombs and not a single person signalled while turning or changing lanes. The only person who DID signal didn’t end up turning at all, and I in turn I ended up cutting them off. After honking at me and fingering me profusely he finally turned his blinker off a good 7 kms later. Nice one buddy. I think next time a friendly reminder would suffice that signals are not required on long weekends, because a girl can get confused with all the changes.
Sincerely, Lisa
Letter to the person missing 8 loafs of bread
You left your bread of random brands and assortments scattered throughout the malahat drive. They might still be there if the birds didn’t get them all.
Yours truley, Lisa
The Zen of Sarcasm
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- compliments of miss Alisa
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- compliments of miss Alisa
Breathe Tattoo
So I got my tattoo done at Tattoo Zoo in Victoria over 3 weeks ago and it is now finally healed. It was done by the artist Gerry and he does amazing work. Check out his website to see pics from his portfolio.
http://www.gerrykramer.com/ - personal portofilo
http://www.tattoozoo.net/ - shop information
The shop was very tidy and I was pleased with the atmosphere. I showed Gerry the templates I had drawn out for my idea but mentioned they weren't quite exactly what I was looking for. He said he had an idea and drew up EXACTLY what I was trying to create in about 30 seconds. Definatley put any of my artistic abilities to shame. After showing me the example he asked if I wanted to get it done right then and there. (And here I thought I was just going to do research.) I decided to take the chance and agreed to get my first tattoo GASP!
I was so nervous, but I think that helped in the end. After we got started Gerry told me he didn't mention the pain factor before we got started because he knew the wrist was a sensitive area and didn't want to scare me off, but suprisingly it didn't hurt me at all. (probably the adrenaline kicking in but I wasn't complaining.)
After a quick 20 minutes we were already finished. And here is the final result
I would definatley reccomend Gerry and his shop to anyone looking to get a tattoo. After looking around Victoria pricing things out, it did end up being on the pricer side of the scale, but well worth it. This is my first tattooand it was a really good experience. Hope you all like it.
Public UriNATION pt. II - Wishfun thinking...or not thinking at all?
So I was reading the Times Colonist this a.m. 0330 to be exact, and there on the front page in all its glory is the graciously appointed article “Victoria goes for pop-up potties”. My dyslexia kicked in at first glance and thought it read “Victoria goes pop-up for potties.” But to be completely honest, I truly believe this to be a far more appropriate title.I have previously expressed my….concern… for such an object to be permanently installed in our downtown core, but let me kindly re-address this issue.
A quick overview, courtesy of the Victoria Times Colonist. Please, sue me now for copyright since your writing skills are so immaculate I couldn’t have come up with a better way to describe it myself.
“Pop up urinals will soon be a permanent feature in Downtown Victoria (yippee.) The sleek European-built cylinders that rise hydraulically from the sidewalk at night but are lowered during the day will be in place by early next year, Victoria council decided yesterday.
In the meantime two portable loos that were part of a pilot project to reduce public urinating will be available. (urinal tipping anyone?) The project was deemed a success - the Bastion Square portable averaged 112 litres of urine in a weekend that might otherwise have ended up on the street (who conducts urine counts, gross. How’d you do that anyways, with a bucket in hand? I wonder if they took into account how much urine ended up on the OUTSIDE of the urinals.)
The city sees the pop-ups as a way to give back-alley urinations an option other than the wall of a business. (Does it really??, you might want to clarify your definition of “the city”.)
Because the vast majority of the culprits are men between the ages of 20 and 30 who don’t like to stray far off their path, the pop-ups provide only urinals. (First of all, I am appalled. So you are going to start discriminating now? Are women just more patient then men and able to wait for a washroom before they go tinkle? Just because we are decent and well trained enough to think twice before pissing on the street means we should be punished? And what difference does it make what age the men who are stinking up the streets are anyways. Does it differentiate in volume?)
Because the vast majority of the culprits are men between the ages of 20 and 30 who don’t like to stray far off their path, the pop-ups provide only urinals. (First of all, I am appalled. So you are going to start discriminating now? Are women just more patient then men and able to wait for a washroom before they go tinkle? Just because we are decent and well trained enough to think twice before pissing on the street means we should be punished? And what difference does it make what age the men who are stinking up the streets are anyways. Does it differentiate in volume?)
But providing an alternative for renegade urinators who were smelling up the City of Gardens (you mean fertilizing of course) isn’t cheap. The two permanent urinals will cost more than 300,000 and run, so the city will try to recoup some of that money from bar owners. (But don’t let that little statistic fool you for a second, because taxpayers will be dishing out the brunt of the cost straight outta their pockets, including another “$202,000 to improve and supervise the Centennial Square washrooms because they’re the ones liquoring everyone up” ….What that doesn’t make sense. The taxpayers are the ones liquoring everyone up? I guess I did mention earlier that the Times colonist has immaculate writing abilities.)
Liam Lux, the general manager of Lucky Bar has suggested stricter enforcement in the downtown core (yeah I’ll second that notion. Oh wait I already suggested that over a month ago.) Lux also suggest changing bylaws to allow bars an hour to get patrons out after last call at 2 am rather than the half hour currently allowed. That extra half hour would mean patrons aren‘t being hurried out the door, and could be encouraged to use the facilities. (So do you really think people are going to sober up in an hour and say to themselves “wow, I should really be a responsible adult and go urinate in the bathroom before I decided to get in my car and drive home.” Yeah, I think not. If grown adults cannot rationalize that they are to drunk to drive, then I am pretty sure they are not fit to decide to use the washroom before departing either.) (I also don’t ever remember being rushed out the door after the 2am last call either, I have plenty of time to try to rid my body of impurities before I am asked to leave the premises.)”
Ok, so by now you can probably tell what parts I decided to add into this article. (for clarification purposes and to cover my ass, I have clearly situated all of these comments safely in between brackets.) Now I just have a couple of missed points to add.
First of all, these urinals are only designed to come out at night. You would think after spending over half a million dollars to design these sleek state of the art spacecrafts that shoot up out of the ground, that they would be available to the public around the clock. I see far more use for them during the day for tourists and locals alike who don’t want to spend their hard earned dollars in some over priced Victorian coffee shop just to be able to use their “facilities”.
From the pictures I have seen, they definitely appear to be form over function. Of course they have to look pretty to attract their male users in the wee hours of the morning. (of course, no pun intended. I am not the humours type.)
These formally known “Uri-Lifts” are also completely open backed. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a new age of indecent exposure. Just a quick warning that if you happen to visit Bastion Square between the hours of 12am-4am you are going to see a lot of exposed packages.
All in all, I believe these creations to be a complete joke. But I will admit they will provide some entertainment at the very least. I mean what is cooler then a trendy pop up urinal ready to rise upon my command?
All in all, I believe these creations to be a complete joke. But I will admit they will provide some entertainment at the very least. I mean what is cooler then a trendy pop up urinal ready to rise upon my command?
On that note, once again just a friendly reminder that these TWO beautifully appointed peeing capsules are costing us over half a million dollars.
Time and money definitely well spent FOR SURE.
Time and money definitely well spent FOR SURE.